Hello, I graduated with an associate's-degree RN about 1.5 year ago. I was great in my studies. I have always been an A student, and jumped over the "book stuff" in a single bound, but struggled with clinicals. With some instructors, I was fine, and with others, I couldn't do anything right.
My first job was in ICU stepdown. I had 9 different preceptors and also was slow, almost always staying late after my shift. I was not invited to stay after my probation, but we also had six patients apiece with vents, drips, and tele.
My next job was at an ECF, I won't say which, because SO many things there were crazy illegal and dangerous. I hoped to help, but gave up after 3 months.
I am now working for an agency. The place I was doing per-diem at was a little crazy, too, with many units fully staffed by agency and no orientation aside from an 11-minute intro to the Pyxys. after three months, again, I was asked not to come back.
I have never been bad at anything in my life, but I am afraid that I am a bad clinician. I am almost always slow and behind, although I am pretty fast on most individual clinical skills themselves. I am very careful with patients, procedures, and meds, but if any of my patients were to go bad, I would never have time to watch the others, barely time to call a doc. I don't lounge or dally, I am fast at assessment, I am constantly moving, and I know how my night should be organized-there is just never enough time.
I am very confused as to whether I have some mysterious, fatal flaw, or if I have just not found my spot, or if everyone else is desparate, too, and just not showing it. I want to be better, but don't know where to turn, and I dread loosing another job.
Please, any ideas or advice is welcome.
Thank you for reading. Happy holidays.