I am a new grad-passed nclex one month ago, graduated in December. The job market here is tight, so I took a job in LTC. I had heard positive things about the position, and thought it would be a good start for me considering I didn't have any prior experience. I am 39 and had been out of the workplace for 5 years to raise my children.
One week after I started, the agency had a HUGE medication diversion. Since then, the culture where I work is very dysfunctional. There is alot of blame, backstabbing, and I have witnessed bullying among the nurses-both old and young. Then I became a target..
I was put on the floor with 48 pts with varying acuities after just 3 weeks of orientation. Because of the huge med pass, I rarely have time for assessments, treatments, and taking care of my residents. Often I do not have enough supplies (such as a working BP machine) to do my job. My 8 hour shifts become 11 hour shifts, 12 hours shifts become 15-often without a break. I had spoke to my clinical nurse mgr that I was feeling overwhlemed, underprepared and needed help, to which I was told that I could not be "supernurse" and that some things would simply have to be ignored and overlooked. I have been discouraged from calling the physician for important things (such as s/sx of TIA, pneumonia) yet there is no one willing to offer assistance or feedback when I have a question or ask for help.
I have been yelled at in front of other staff and residents on the floor. I noticed yesterday that my clinical nurse mgr had made a med error, which I asked another nurse about. My manager called me today and yelled at me, stating that I was trying to write her up. I have been told that I act like I am superior because I have a BSN and alot of the nurses are LPN's. I certainly hope not-I don't want to give off that vibe at all.
Often I am running around overwhlemed and the other nurse will be reading a magazine and not offer to help me. The management does not pay much attention to my pt care but rather calls me daily statng that I signed in the wrong place for a narc (I am working on this). I also got written up for messy handwriting. My clinical nurse manager snickers at me, rolls her eyes and does not address me in a polite manner. She yells at me daily.
I was planning on leaving when I found a new job but the stress is getting to be too much. I am having nightmares, I can't eat, I have headaches alot. My personal relationships are suffering. I feel like i have no one to turn to to rememedy the situation. I need guidance and teaching this first year-and I am not getting it.
I know the first year of nursing is supposed to be difficult. I am appying what I learned in school to real-life work situations. I know this-yet honestly I am so scared of setting foot on another floor, so afraid what they will find next that is wrong with me.
I did not go into work tonight-I told them I was sick, because I am so stressed out, I do not think I could safely function.
Experienced nurses, clinical nurse managers, anyone-please tell me it gets better. I am so ashamed at having to leave-but at this point I do not know what else to do.
OK, First, I am so sorry your first job is this bad. The word in your post which screamed out at me is that you are "ashamed" at the thought of leaving the job. This is to me proof positive that you are in a toxic work situation. Abusive behaviors are not only to be tolerated but you are feeling ashamed for not tolerating them well. Try to re-name that feeling into more positive language: Instead of shame, can you see that you are a healthy person with good instincts? My dear, your self respect and sanity are worth so much more than this. Another job will come. My advice is to draft that letter of resignation and leave immediately. I did it 2 months ago. It was hard,I'll admit but it was the right thing to do. Got 2 nice job offers 3 weeks ago and started one of them yesterday. Honor yourself!
Last edit by eyeball on Mar 15, '12
: Reason: misspelling