I'm so ashamed...

[ALMED]

I'm so ashamed, I can't sleep, eat or think of anything else. I'm a new RN, passed my boards in July and have been working nights since. I started that night on the wrong foot taking that room in the first place, B bed was my son-in-law's father, I'm not even sure the policy on taking people I know, I just knew he would be more comfortable with a familiar face. But that's not the problem, the gentleman in A bed was suffering from ETOH W/D, had a seizure that I witnessed near the end of my shift, and what did I do? nothing, tucked him in and left the room. That is so out of character for me (or so I thought). I was faced with a crisis, I did not know what to do, so instead of asking for help, I ignored it! My stomach is flipping thinking about it. Maybe hospital nursing isn't for me, maybe LTC is so I can send them to a hospital when thing happen. Maybe it's the shift, I am not myself at home either, not smiling, being grouchy. I just don't know. I do not trust myself right now. Any advice??

[nursemike, ASN, RN]

The big difference here is that you understood your mistake, owned up and took responsiblity for it. Did you wait weeks before reporting these mistakes? Did you never express concern for the patients involved? In your case I would have done exactly as your NM had done--treat them as teaching and learning opportunities. The OP, however, expressed no concern for the patient whatsoever. That's the part of this whole scenario I can't get over. She literally, for a moment in time, nearly held that patient's life in her hands, and blew it, big time. Why she didn't turn to someone for help or even think about turning to someone for help is a mystery only she has to answer for.

I don't think any of us want to shrug off Almed's error with an "oh, well, stuff happens." But I'm among those who doesn't think it needs to end a career. I didn't see any lack of concern for the patient in the original post. "I'm so ashamed" says it all. But it's natural enough, when one is in trouble, to speak mostly of one's own trouble.

You highlighted my remark about knowing where to turn for help, and I think that illustrates the system's error in Almed's situation. Every new nurse ought to know who to turn to--that should be made clear in orientation. Of course, one has the individual responsibility to recognize the need for help, but one needs to know one can, too.

It is true that owning one's mistakes is important. The reason it makes it a lot easier for supervisors to forgive is that you're a lot less likely to repeat an error that you haven't tried to minimize or excuse.

I have little doubt that Almed will make other mistakes in the future. We all will. Those of us who are conscientious will try really hard to avoid them, but also to learn from those we can't avoid.

God bless those experienced, skillful nurses who can still recall how it feels to be a deer caught in headlights. I'm lucky to work with a number of them. If every new nurse had similar mentors, I think we would have a much healthier profession.

[UM Review RN, ASN, RN]

I don't think any of us want to shrug off Almed's error with an "oh, well, stuff happens." But I'm among those who doesn't think it needs to end a career. [...] It is true that owning one's mistakes is important. The reason it makes it a lot easier for supervisors to forgive is that you're a lot less likely to repeat an error that you haven't tried to minimize or excuse.

I have little doubt that Almed will make other mistakes in the future. We all will. Those of us who are conscientious will try really hard to avoid them, but also to learn from those we can't avoid.

God bless those experienced, skillful nurses who can still recall how it feels to be a deer caught in headlights. I'm lucky to work with a number of them. If every new nurse had similar mentors, I think we would have a much healthier profession.

Mike, excellent post! Thank you!

[Jerico, BSN, RN]

Life teaches us things we may never learn about ourselves in school.

I had nearly the same thing happen. I walked into a room while a patient was in an active seizure. Hmmm....

I looked at them, asked "Are you OK..." Thought to myself: Is THIS a seizure, it may be...I've never seen one...maybe this is one".

SOOOO...I yanked UP the bedrail, checked the bed height and then...

I didn't do anything except walk back OUT the door and said to the the first person I saw, who happened to be an ER doc: "I am not sure, but I think this patient in here may be having a seizure...could you come tell me if this is a seizure?".

He walked in, took one look at the patient and said: "Yup, that is a seizure". I said: "I am new, is there something I should do?". He says "Yea, go get some Ativan...". He walked out of the room and I went and got the Ativan.

Now how STUPID did I look. I am 50 and have never seen a seizure NOR did I ever see one in nursing school. But when I hear or think seizure I think: "precautions...ABC". I had no EARTHLY clue if it was a seizure, but ALWAYS in nursing school I was taught (if nothing ELSE) SAFETY, SAFETY, SAFETY and ABC, ABC, ABC.

I am not gonna beat this girl up about it - but I don't think we will ever HAVE to because she has learned a lesson she will NEVER forget again.

She made an error, alerted the powers that be - once she thought about it.

Who am I to cast the first stone...?

[Jerico, BSN, RN]

NOW.

Having said all that: I'd fire her butt in a minute if she ever did it again.

First time is a mistake.

Second time, maybe.

Third time a habit.

[boulergirl, CNA]

Almed,

When I was a night shift supervisor (in my case, an NA with supervisory duties over other NAs) I had to make decisions about sending a resident to the ER or not and I'm sure I made mistakes. Back when I was new to the position I had a resident with traces of blood and blood clotting in her stool and didn't know what to do. (Can't remember if I called my boss or not, but I monitored the resident through the night, and reported what I saw to first shift.) She didn't go to the hospital until morning, and passed away soon after. You can be SURE I learned from that experience. When in doubt, ship 'em out!! (In your case, when in doubt, get a second opinion!!)

I'm glad you're working days now. On night shift I felt like a zombie, and working overnights can make some people irrational. Maybe once you feel better physically and sharper mentally this will help as a nurse. Don't be afraid to ask for help anymore!!

[ambral&d]

Hi. I just learned about this site today, in school, and thought I'd check it out. Some of your responses are pretty ruthless. It's hard for someone to talk about a mistake they've made. When they admit to it and ask for advice I think it's important to not totally rip them apart. I feel bad for her. I bet she never walks away from a situation like that again.

God forbid You (whoever was beating her up) ever make a mistake. If you haven't you are the first nurse to do so. It is important and she knows it. The way you were responding could make someone too scared to go and try. We all work very hard to get through school and to get our license. I was very excited about this site, but gee whiz. I thought nurses should help each other and teach other.

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

But it's not just a simple error. It's a refusal to act in a potentially dangerous situation. This act needs to be admitted to the manager and the MD and the music faced, in addition to getting help for whatever lead up to this action.

It was a blantant, potentially dangerous act by a potentially unsafe nurse. No need to sugar coat it.

Well said....

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

Well, in a lot of cases, new grads aren't well prepared, but I personally think anyone witnessing a patient having a seizure would GET HELP, rather than just walk away.

The behavior is just strange to walk away from a patient in distress, I think it could be termed negligence. I'm personally not concerned if she did not know what to do- we all fall into that situation, but the prudent person would ask for help.

I've worked on some hostile units, however, I've never had one that would not help me with a seizing patient. If this person is too intimidated by the pther nurses to ask for help, then she is not ready to be on the floor independently.

For the lack of knowledge, it isn't a problem, for doing nothing at all, I do think it is entirely on her. We all talk the talk about giving new grads support, but at some point, people have to cowboy up and take responsibility.

Completely agree.

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

Daytonight....I respect your thoughts,but I feel you are more than just alittle harsh...this new nurse is very remorseful,very worried about the pts well being...something happened that is not all that clear, no one knows {not even her} what she was thinking as she witnessed the other pt's seizure. Almeds N/M did the right thing...Almed is on her way to being a great nurse.....GOOD FOR YOU ALMED!:balloons:

I disagree and don't feel I was harsh at all. I was stating my opinion of the whole thing. I cringed when I heard that the patient had a second seizure later that day. It could have been prevented. There was a real ignorance of just what a seizure is and the damage it can cause. I hope the nurse has taken steps to correct that.

Please re-read the posts. I read the OP very carefully before I made my first response. I realized her dilemma and that she was stalled in what to do about it--thus, the physical symptoms she was having. No where in the first post was there any remorse or worry for the patient's well-being mentioned. . .not until a later post, and even then I felt it was marginal, at best. It all focused on me, me, me. What I am hoping she will get from this is that she needs to begin to consider and think about the affect of her actions on each patient she attends. This person may be on her way to being a great nurse but right now she stinks. Many of us stink as new grads. I had my stinky moments. I think we do her great injustice to praise her for initially confessing to a huge group of anonymous readers and we should instead be giving constructive criticism which will, hopefully, improve her future actions and lead her to be that potentially great nurse. I feel it is wrong to re-inforce procrastination and indifference with sympathy. There has to be some accountability here, at least to herself, even if she never discloses it to her manager. There are also elements of complacency and procrastination in this nurse's actions that I think she needs to contemplate as these are character issues within herself. Not many have expressed feelings of sympathy for this poor patient who could have stroked and died. That's what really bothers me the most.

I hope that this nurse has re-evaluated her actions and made a plan on how to handle a situation similar to this in the future. I hope she sees her own faults and works to improve them. Let me be clear, I wish her well and sincerely hope she begins to take a more serious view of her role as a nurse.

Hi. I just learned about this site today, in school, and thought I'd check it out. Some of your responses are pretty ruthless. It's hard for someone to talk about a mistake they've made. When they admit to it and ask for advice I think it's important to not totally rip them apart. I feel bad for her. I bet she never walks away from a situation like that again.

God forbid You (whoever was beating her up) ever make a mistake. If you haven't you are the first nurse to do so. It is important and she knows it. The way you were responding could make someone too scared to go and try. We all work very hard to get through school and to get our license. I was very excited about this site, but gee whiz. I thought nurses should help each other and teach other.

Read, digest and go beyond your feelings and take some wisdom from all of this. The OP was beating herself up the worst of all. Most of us are actually trying to help her out here. We all make mistakes--it's how you deal with them that is important. You, too, grasshopper, will make many mistakes. How will you deal with them when you find yourself in the hot seat? You must learn to take something that is negative and turn it into something positive that will improve your performance. It is good to be scared--keeps you on your toes! I'm sorry you don't see the help and teaching going on here. Filter out the emotional aspects of the postings and you will see it is there. Welcome to the forum.

[Jerico, BSN, RN]

No where in the first post was there any remorse or worry for the patient's well-being mentioned. . .not until a later post, and even then I felt it was marginal, at best. It all focused on me, me, me.

Uh, TITLE of the THREAD?????

Dang Daytonite hope she's not on YOUR malpractice jury some day....

:chuckle

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

Dang Daytonite hope she's not on YOUR malpractice jury some day....:chuckle

Hope she's not one of the employees I manage one day. :stone

[pricklypear]

I may be off base here, but has anybody considered the (mitigating/aggravating) factor of the OP having her FIL as a patient in the same room? Could his presence in the room have somehow derailed her normal train of thought to action? Could nervousness (she didn't say she felt any discomfort, but I'm assuming she might - I probably would) have played a part in her denial of the situation?

I'm not excusing what happened, just pointing out that there may be another lesson to learn about trying to take care of family members or friends in the hospital, or maybe some explanation for her behavior. Mixing a professional/personal relationship spells disaster to me. Seems to me that expectations would be different. The added stress of being evaluated by a family member.

The behavior was obviously out of character for her, or she wouldn't be upset about it. If it was something she took lightly, she wouldn't have come here looking for some support. It's obvious that she KNOWS what happened was wrong, but she can't seem to figure out WHY she acted as she did.

To the OP - you did the right thing by going to your NM, you were very brave. Obviously she understands that sometimes we use flawed judgement, especially when we're new. If you thought it was no big deal, I would worry about your future as a competent nurse. But I think you have strong enough feelings about the incident that its effects will color the rest of your career for the better. It's from the most painful mistakes that we learn our most important lessons.