I feel soo bad

  1. Well I just got off a night shift and seen my first deceased client.... I feel soo bad b/c I took him to the bathroom and told him to call when he was done, but I had this feeling in the back of my mind that I should stay, but was like he's fine. So i went and charted on a client and thought maybe I'll just go check on him. Well I went into the bathroom and he was on the floor face down. He passed away 5 min after. I feel like it's my fault. I should have stayed with him. He was 91yrs old and earlier that day he told the nurses he was gonna pass away in the night. Sorry I just had to get that outta my system.
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  2. 25 Comments

  3. by   Katnip
    Your first death will always stay with you.

    It seems he was prepared to go. That's a good thing.

    You did nothing wrong, nothing you could have done would have prevented it.
  4. by   Chicklet2
    Thanks, yah I knew I'd experience something like this sooner or later, I just never wanted to be the one to find them.
  5. by   elkpark
    I had two elderly patients die on the commode within the first few years I was in nursing; both were full codes, but the codes were unsuccessful (not really surprising in either case).

    The first few deaths always make the biggest impression. You'll become more accustomed to it as time passes and you are in nursing longer -- death is always a possibility in healthcare settings!

    You didn't do anything wrong, and there wasn't anything you could have done that would have changed the outcome. Best wishes.
  6. by   Daytonite
    I had a patient years ago who died just as I was helping her back into bed after coming back from the bathroom. That dog gone toilet is the culprit! People vagospasm or pop an aneurysm if they strain to have a BM and that's it for them. I'm just being a bit humorous because this happens so often in the bathroom. You just never know. . .I am a firm believer that when your number is up, it's time to go. I've also had patients who were relatively young and seemed in great health who went into v-tach and never came back. It happens.

    The death I felt the worst about was a lady who we had on a ventilator in stepdown, but not on telemetry. She died and the ventilator just kept on working. Being the nighttime and the lights were off I could not see her coloring that well. She was right across from the nurses station so all of us on staff could see her. It had never occurred to me that someone could die on a ventilator and the ventilator would just keep on working. Duh! Learned my lesson about really checking patients closely at night.
  7. by   Chicklet2
    Wow I'm on a role... another one of my patients died and I was the one that found them.... god I feel like quitting already.
  8. by   Tweety
    Quote from Chicklet2
    Wow I'm on a role... another one of my patients died and I was the one that found them.... god I feel like quitting already.

    You didn't kill any of these patients. They died of natural causes related to age, illness, etc. Give yourself a break.

    That guy would have died whether you were with him or not. Perhaps it's a blessing you weren't there, suppose you caught him, did CPR and he wound up on a ventilator surely to die? Thanks happen as they happen, you can't rewrite history or prevent the inevitable.

    (Ever hear that these things happen in 3's??? j/k)
    Last edit by Tweety on Oct 9, '05
  9. by   Daytonite
    Quote from Chicklet2
    Wow I'm on a role... another one of my patients died and I was the one that found them.... god I feel like quitting already.
    Obviously, God or the supreme being, whatever. . .wants you to know about death.

    Don't feel bad. During my first semester of nursing school, one of my classmates had 6 patients in a row who died on him. He felt so bad. Thought he had a black cloud over him. After that he never had another patient death while he was a student. Luck of the draw. If only that kind of luck worked for buying winning lottery tickets. . .
  10. by   Chicklet2
    Yah, I mean i went all through nursing school without seeing a death, except these last 4 shifts there have been two. At least I get to see first hand before getting a job. The second guy was a full code, but in the middle of the code the doctor said they could stop.
  11. by   Daytonite
    It's very hard to see a code go on for a long time having the sinking feeling that the patient is probably not going to make it. It's all part of being a nurse. You will see many, many things over your nursing career some of which will motivate you to change things about your own life. Death is part of the life cycle. We don't have to like it, but we can't be afraid of it either. Hope you have a happier week in your clinicals.
  12. by   Chicklet2
    Wow tonight makes 3 that have died in the last 3 nights. He rang to go to the bathroom and I'm like why not just use the urinal so you dont have to get outta bed and he's like sorry i gotta go number 2 on the commode, so I get him to the commode he transfers great, he then feels like he's gonna be sick so i get him a bowl, but he is like nopei 'm good. Then he's like super weak so i go and get another nurse to help me transfer him back to bed and she's like you should have never gotten him up. I"m like well he was already sitting on the side of the bed...... he died 10min after... I feel like Sh*t
  13. by   Daytonite
    Ha! Ha! I'm laughing for you, not the patient. I would have gotten him up because if you hadn't he would have gotten out of bed on his own anyway and might have fallen. The other nurse. . .well, that's just her opinion and she's entitled to it. If he had fallen there'd possibly be an injury on his face to have to explain to the family. Have you been tagged with a nickname by your co-workers yet? You're going to be a legend around the facility! :chuckle Your "winning streak" has to end sometime. In the meantime you are going to get very proficient in the postmortum protocol for your facility. Get some sleep and have a good day.
  14. by   Chicklet2
    Thanks for the last post, your made my day brighter. Yah everyone is like you have the worst luck you should amost go and buy a lottery ticket and maybe you'll get lucky... one more night tonight, I guess we'll see how that goes. I'm scared to touch anyone...

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