Depressed and Disappointed in Myself - page 6

I feel like the biggest failure. I worked so hard to get my BSN. Racked up so much debt. Put in all the time. Passed the NCLEX. Started looking for a job, put in applications, and the first job I... Read More

  1. by   infinity_rn_
    Hello- first off, big hugs to you. Second, I know many have probably given you great advice already as this is a great nursing forum. Third, you should see a doctor/therapist, because it seems as though you have may have anxiety/depression that is exacerbated by being a new grad and the new job.

    I will tell you hospital nursing is not for everyone, not to discourage you at all, but there are other places you can work. I started off as an LPN 7 years ago, and then I became an RN, I just recently finished my 6 month probation at the hospital I work at, do I love the hospital setting- No, did I learn alot thus far- Yes. But that also has to do with where I started and how, and my experience has also helped me along the way.
  2. by   kag036
    First off I am sorry you are feeling this way. I completely understand where you are coming from. I have felt and have been feeling this way since I received my license. But please don't give up. You worked hard for something that isn't easy. Obviously you are very smart and goal driven as you achieved you goal in being a nurse. So congrats to you on that. As for your feelings toward nursing. I can not say they will pass but keep trying. Try another field of nursing but don't give up. I will keep you in my prayers. I hope things get better.
  3. by   jeffernator
    Hey bud, I feel your pain. I started off in a dementia unit 2.5 years ago and I felt overwhelmed, stressed, anxious and even a little bitter. I eventually was so stressed, rushed and distracted that I made a bone-headed mistake and had to report myself. Pretty much rock bottom, right there. Needless to say, they didn't fire me, and the state took no action against my license, stating that the error was not likely to reoccur (it'll NEVER happen again, btw.) But I quit anyway as I had hit rock bottom in terms of my feelings of incompetency, anxiety, shame, guilt... a bunch of bad emotions all rolled into one. But as it turns out, I got a new job at a primary care clinic and loved it. The anxiety, feelings of incompetency, etc. all went away eventually as my confidence grew. Now I'm about to graduate from an LPN-RN program.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think you'll be okay as long as you stay persistent. Even if this current job is not your niche, perhaps another one will be? Hang in there, man.
  4. by   kimpossible4real
    Nursing is a hard profession and floor nursing can be challenging. You achieved your BSN and that takes determination
    and strength. Agree with other posts, consider getting some assistance to better manage your anxiety.
    At that point you can evaluate what other options might be a better fit. Big Hugs....
  5. by   Irish_Mist
    I've been there. It sucks so badly. I know how scared you feel. But, you'll be happy to know, it DOES get better. Push forward and continue to do the best you can. You've made it this far!
  6. by   SobreRN
    Sounds like my 1st 3-5 years but I did discover I was/am incredibly tenacious on 'not giving up' no matter how abjectly miserable I was.
    I was determined to stick it out; I stuck it out on night shift for years; if like to say those 5 years were the longest 10 years of my life; I was so sleep deprived 6-pack I felt slap-happy as a non-drinker. I stayed in the city I worked and had no life (unless you can call stress, fatigue, appetite-loss, stress, depression and stress a life.) This was M/S-Oncology.
    But it gets better, I no longer do hospital nursing but when I decided to expand my horizons I was grateful for the experience given nearly every other area of nursing wants hospital experience. If I had it to do over again I would have left acute care @ 8-10 years sooner; other specialties don't need the 15 years of acute care experience I had, I was insecure about leaving behind my 'support system' which was stronger nurses, once I did I became a very strong nurse. The 1st year I carried my waitress 'fanny pack' in my car and had visions of stopping at any restaurant on my way home, throwing myself on the floor and sobbing "hire me, I KNOW how to wait tables!"
    4 weeks is too soon and what you are going through is, I think, common although it sounds odd to not do IVs, if you are going through new nurse misery you should at least get all the experience. You are beating yourself up too much, hospital nursing is really tough.
    Try to take it a day at a time and hang tough for longer than 4 weeks. I do not think changing venues from hospital nursing to something less stressful is a bad thing, just remind yourself there is light at the end of the tunnel and you will have options. Remind yourself it is not forever, good times do not last but neither do bad times. Best of luck to you!
  7. by   SobreRN
    Quote from Michael_Espelin
    As many else have shared, I had a similar wave of absolute dread and the thought of "Why did I choose this field?" loomed in my head every time I went to work. I endured that for nearly 2 years as a LPN on long-term care unit. At the time I was bitter about being a LPN, so with encouragement I went for my BSN.

    Honestly, there were many times during the BSN when I wanted to throw in the towel--especially during clinical in the hospital settings on med-surg units. That all changed when I discovered psychiatric nursing. That's the beauty of nursing; there are so many areas! I would highly encourage you not to give up and to consider changing units, or changing your entire specialty as a whole. I know I am glad I did.

    Now I am set to finish my MSN in under a year and become a PMHNP with a goal to have my own practice and explore business opportunities. There really are no boundaries to the field of nursing, if you're willing to put in the time and effort.

    Hang in there and best of luck!
    Ditto that! Although I am not planning on returning to school for advanced practice nursing I discovered there was a whole world of nursing out there after staying stuck in my acute care 'comfort zone' until burnout nearly drove me from nursing entirely. Been in corrections a few years and, God willing, plan on remaining in this area for remainder of me career.