Depressed and Disappointed in Myself - page 4
I feel like the biggest failure. I worked so hard to get my BSN. Racked up so much debt. Put in all the time. Passed the NCLEX. Started looking for a job, put in applications, and the first job I... Read More
Feb 27You are not dumb at all. Having some experience though opens up doors to other areas of nursing you can explore. Be gentle with yourself. Maybe consider part time till you are able to find another position? Perhaps talking to a nurse educator if there are areas you feel you need to work on? Try some different stress relief techniques. I have a calming CD in my car that I listen to on my way home. I also have a very upbeat, happy CD. Find little ways you can destress either before or after work. The first year is the hardest, the second gets a tad bit better.
No one knows you & your circumstances better than you do though. Only you know whether you want to continue in nursing or not. Wishing you the best and sending positive thoughts your way. Hope you come back on and let us know how you are doing.
Feb 27OP, I got your PM but it wouldn't let me respond. Yeah most nursing supervisors I've worked with in the past think that their sole job is to sit in the office and deal with bed assignments and staffing. I have met a couple stellar sups, but that was at smaller, community, not corporately owned facilities. Those sups would be there whenever there was a code helping, they would make rounds on every unit and ask every nurse if things are going okay and if they need help with anything. If you said "yes", they had no problem jumping in. It was almost like a work family. But you aren't going to see that a corporate facility unfortunately which leads me to the next question...have you established a good rapport with any of your more experienced coworkers? If so, and you need help, tell THEM! They have their own assignments so definitely aren't going to know that you're drowning and I can guarantee you 99.9% will help you if you need it. Hell I wish I could take xanax at work but I can't because when I do take it I lose my filter. I would probably end up saying "if I want to be repeatedly sh*t on I'll go make dutch porn" and then turn around and clock out. Or I'd tell the DON to "return to whichever of hell's portals you came from." ROFL
Feb 27I haven't read through all these responses, so this may have been said. The new approach to nursing education has failed you. Every employer is looking for BSN, but none of these employers want to embrace the longer orientations BSNs require. BSN programs teach almost exclusively the why of nursing and leave the what to the employers. Doing a procedure on a mannequin is the vast majority of the experience a BSN nurse gets. Add that stress to the fact that showing up to your first job with your license makes you like every other nurse and it means you are now in the disciplinary track for mistakes. Decades ago, the learning track gave latitude to allow you to learn. Now most places give you three mistakes and you are gone. This demoralizes new nurses and is unfair. More importantly, it gives new nurses the realization that they have to fake it til you make it. Look up my article under careers, first year called Welcome new nurses, hopefully that will enlighten you to what is happening to you.
Feb 27Hi everyone,
Thank you so much for your replies, advice, and experience. I have not previously had problems with depression or anxiety. I understand that as a new nurse, you can feel overwhelmed and all that, but this feels like more than that. I wouldn't mind so much if I was just stressed out about everything I have to learn and get comfortable with. I really don't think the hospital setting is for me, and reading your comments has made me feel better about that. I'm going to keep trying to stick it out for experience and hope for the best. I see so many nurses everywhere that can do it and think, "why can't I"? "What's wrong with me"? I know that isn't realistic and I shouldn't compare myself to others. Like someone mentioned, everyone has a different personality and temperament. I'm more quiet and sensitive and prefer routine and calm. I don't want to give up nursing, but I am more than a little discouraged at the odds of finding something else, especially as a new nurse. I've already scoured the internet looking for anything that sounds like it might be better for me. Short of a job cashiering or in retail, I'm going to have to tough it out. Some of you suggested meditation, reading, tea, and different things for self care and stress reduction. I will give them a go.
Again, thank you all so much. I'm trying so hard and I really appreciate it.
Feb 27Quote from Samx3I'm going to keep trying to stick it out for experience and hope for the best. I see so many nurses everywhere that can do it and think, "why can't I"? "What's wrong with me"? I know that isn't realistic and I shouldn't compare myself to others. Like someone mentioned, everyone has a different personality and temperament. I'm more quiet and sensitive and prefer routine and calm.
Nice to hear back from you. Hope things are just a wee bit better. Get that experience and try something new you may not have thought about. There are so many areas that can open up for you with that first year or two of floor nursing. Most of all, remember there is nothing wrong with you at all. You are perfectly you.
Also, some of those nurses that appear to be doing it, may just have their game face on that day. Good luck.Last edit by Crush on Feb 27
Feb 27Good to hear from you. Not all nurses are meant to work in hospital settings. I did and after I was away from it for a while decided I no longer wanted to be back working in one. Thankfully there are many other options available. Of course being a new grad you are more limited because of lack of experience but you sound like you know at least what you don't want. I suggest you read the book, "The Highly Sensitive Person." You may find some helpful suggestions there also. You are stronger than you think and you're right; don't compare yourself to others. Do what is best for you
Feb 27There are so many other opportunities out there in nursing! Telemedicine is a growing field for nurses, and if you're not enjoying the hospital, perhaps this nursing specialty might suit you. :-) There is something for everyone in nursing, and your first job is rarely exactly what you imagined nursing would be. I am fortunate to be able to work from home in telemedicine, and while experienced nurses are wanted in this area of nursing, I know that new grads are welcome as well. Good Luck finding your happy place in nursing.
Feb 27I felt the same way when I first started nursing. I worked in a nursing home at the time, and went from being the best CNA to the worst LPN literally overnight! It was extremely difficult for me. I had panic attacks daily and vomited every morning before work due to the crippling fear that I chose the wrong path. I seriously considered dropping out of. Thankfully, I stuck with it. I am now an RN in the PACU at a hospital, and I absolutely love it! I have been here for 5 years now, and I do not plan to leave anytime soon. My best advice is to find your niche and you will love nursing! That's what makes nursing so great, there are so many options! You will get there too! Praying for you!
Feb 27Oh come on🤨 you gott your BSN DEGREE PASSED THE NCLEX and still don't know you can work other places besides the hospital. You don't even have to really work like that either, you could be a health educator or community health nurse; you can even do online work...
I'm not a nurse though, so i can't really comment im just giving an opinion.
Feb 28You don't have to give up! There are so many options in nursing. Talk to other nurses, talk to your friends and family.
I would say first off, you need to talk to your supervisor. It will be tough, but you need to ask for help if you need it, and I hope they can give it to you. I don't think there are many of us who have not felt very similar to you.
Some stick it out, and some don't. It is just how life is. The choice is yours. You need to figure out what is best for you.
I would say try another floor or department to start. If you don't find you care for your current employer, start looking. Network.
Nursing is not easy. It's backbreaking, heartbreaking, and emotionally draining.
But it can be so rewarding! Plus, you don't always need to work on the floor, or in direct patient care.
Step back, write down what you like and don't like , what you are looking for, what you want to accomplish...talk to others, and make sure you have a good support network.
Feb 28Don't be disappointed. i have been a nurse for over thirty years. Back in my beginning, there was diploma nurses etc. I was a AD nurse and in 4 years I was a nurse with 2 years experience and 2 years education. Now it seems the abnormal. How many BS nurses go right into a field for money like BSN or MNP. When I was started nursing BSN was the worst because they didn't even get into the hospital setting until the second year. The diploma nurses had the most experience. Now the nurses of today use the BSN as a stepping stone to MPT and above for advanced practice for money. The bedside nurse is long gone and it hurts my heart because the patients still need a nurse who cares and knows how to be advocate for them. Are there still nurses out there who care for patients and not the paycheck? I hope so. Bless you if you do.
Feb 28I'm so sorry you feel this way.
I felt the same way during medsurg clinical (I actually had to drop because my anxiety and depression was so crippling, and had to wait until the new anxiety meds kicked in to begin again) So I'm commenting from that frame of reference.
You aren't a failure or stupid or an idiot for feeling this way at all. It sounds like you need some professional help to get through this period of adjustment and that is 100% okay. Try reaching out to you HCP to see if he/she has any recommendations on a therapist or meds that could help you. I thought I was done too, but I just needed a little help.
Maybe this doesn't apply to you or maybe it does.
Regardless, be kind to yourself.Last edit by AnxietyMaven on Feb 28