Am I the only one?!

[RNitis]

I am a REALLY new RN (worked as a CNA for 2 years in a hospital, graduated nursing school, received RN license NOV 2010, took a break from school/work while NOT working in the field until now). I made the unfortunate mistake of taking a position at a completely unorganized, rushing-to-fill-many-positions, LTC facility (whose employees were on strike, I realize WHY now, after being there for three weeks!).... I had a 27 patient assignment thrown at me (despite me saying I was not comfortable being off orientation, yet) and as expected...it was an EPIC FAIL...

They took me off my assignment, sent me down to the Nursing Supervisor and she was ****** that I "agreed to go on my own and told everyone I was thrown under the bus". I never said I was "thrown under the bus"....I stated to others that I only had 3 days of orientation and bc I had never worked as an RN before, felt this was not enough...After I said my side (and unfortunately started crying bc I felt I just couldn't possibly be a nurse and still owe $70,000 for student loans....WTH was I to do now?!?!), she apologized, admitted that on that day, SHE "was short nurses and coerced me to take my own assignment". This led to an apology, a "story" of how she wants me to succeed and to the agreement of more orientation.

I made a HUGE mistake when I first began there. I was taught in nursing school, that once a patient is yours, you are responsible totally for that patient (things that need to be done on your shift and things that had not been completed that should have been)...this led me to taking "inventory" on the things that weren't completed and things that appeared were "signed off" despite the things not even being available for those patients. (I can only guess that the other nurses looked at me as a potential "whistle blower" to them and immediately put me on their **** list.)

By patients responses of "its a breath of fresh air to see someone like you here, are you staying for good?", I feel I was doing my part as an RN and actually taking the time with my patients to hear their concerns and make them feel cared for rather than like puppies getting treats thrown down their throats and off to the next one.

For 7 more days (not all in a row), I was assigned with different nurses, but between two different floors. The main nurse I was following, had just graduated herself and had been working there for approx. a month (she also was that particular Unit supervisors "favorite nurse"-quote exactly by Unit supervisor.) SO, I (for obvious reasons), had a TON of questions and asked those questions as I went along, while also attempting to take on my own assignment with another nurse "observing" me.

A few days went by and I was still unable to complete a med pass in a timely manner. I was told by the nursing supervisor that she would send someone to observe me to see what/where I was going wrong. That never happened. I was just sent with this "barely new nurse herself". I was told to only worry about your shift/duties, and by each person I followed-I was told something different on who to document on, I was shown to not do assessments (but at the end of the day, I was to chart on my CHF patients whom needed assessments!)...I copied exactly what the nurse was doing, assuming "if it works for her, that's how it's done"..aanntt, wrong!

The Unit supervisor reemed me out and reported it to the facility nursing supervisor...Being who I am, I took the responsibility and never said "well, that's how she does it so I figured that's how it's done"...

Over time I saw I was beginning to be black-marked for the same things I was being taught! Only, she was praised constantly for being a "great nurse" (which I see now as being a "sneaky McDoogle"-which I refuse to be), while I was being condemned for doing the same thing.

Long story short (well, shortened from actual 10 day orientation), I took the mindset of "just do better each day and eventually I'll get there". (I'm my hardest critic, so for me to say/see I was doing better, I actually had to be doing better).

So, day 10, I go speak with the Nursing Supervisor to talk to her about going on my own (as I felt although I wasn't 100% there, I could actually do an assignment soon on my own).. I sit and am asked "how are you doing?", I reply, "I feel I'm progressing". I get "well, that's not what I hear from the other girls." A bit taken back by this, I start rummaging through my mind, thinking over the last few days what I may have done that was so horrible that no one I've worked with has anything good to say besides the temporary nurses (now already flown back home as their assignments were over) who, when I first started, stated I'd be a great nurse and actually were there to answer my questions and discuss my concerns and give me suggestions from their 15 year nursing careers. I could remember a few things, but nothing that the other nurses weren't doing.

The conversation basically ended with "I just don't feel you have what it takes. I see that you're caring and compassionate, maybe you should try homecare, remember, you are still a nurse." As I still didn't feel I received the orientation I should have, I was being told basically that I suck as a nurse (or so that's how it sounded in my head!)...So it came to be that I was to be let go or I could resign, I chose to resign (as I didn't want the only experience I've received as an RN to be stamped "NOT A GOOD NURSE-FIRED".

So, is it just me or did I walk into an unstable scenario for a new grad nurse? And, am I the only person this kind of thing has happened to? (I forgot to mention, while there, I'd overheard that A LOT of nurses and CNA's would work a day or two and just never return). I'm not one to let some stranger tell me my Truth, MY Path, for I'm the only one who really knows me.

So I will again, begin the Job Search (ideally, I'd love to be in a teaching hospital, and although they all ask that an RN have at least one year of experience, I still apply with no call backs). Does anyone have any suggestions? Ideas? ANY feedback would be much appreciated!!

[RNitis]

It's a dang good thing I gave up on the "fairy tales" of life we learn growing up...we are all likely to come accross crap jobs/places and crap people, unfortunately, it's inevitable...we will all find our places or at least places we can grow at. I was speaking to a friend I graduated with today (who luckily got into a hospital new grad program with SIX! Months of orientation!- that's what I'm talking about!), who gave me encouragement and admitted that we are human and make mistakes, but also that the industry is unfortunately much like highschool, "cliquey"...which is what I found to be true with my first RN experience..call me doomed because I don't "clique" well...I choose to support those who are falling behind (in HS those would be the ones being picked on, who didn't fit) and I choose to get along with all walks of life (except people who think that for some reason they are superior to all other humans and shun people for no apparent reason, I enjoy bringing those people back to reality- killing with kindness of course!)....so, here I am, the "new kid" who , by the way admits my faults and will actually take blame for others for god knows what reason and I get "eaten" by the very people who were once in my shoes, but seem to have forgotten where they came from...*sigh*, AFGO, I suppose (another freakin growth opportunity)...and back to the tedious Job Search. Don't feel I can even be picky with options bc I kind of "have to" take anything that comes my way...guess I have to practice being a chamelien (sp?)..chin up, and go forward...thanks everyone for experiences, I don't feel alone in this anymore!

[Flatlander]

Yup, you're not alone. I for one am there with you and doing the Job Search once again. Keep us posted on your progress. I have to believe there are good positions, good managers, good preceptors just waiting for us to show up! Thanks to those who replied that there truly are some good places to work!

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I made a HUGE mistake when I first began there. I was taught in nursing school, that once a patient is yours, you are responsible totally for that patient (things that need to be done on your shift and things that had not been completed that should have been)...this led me to taking "inventory" on the things that weren't completed and things that appeared were "signed off" despite the things not even being available for those patients. (I can only guess that the other nurses looked at me as a potential "whistle blower" to them and immediately put me on their **** list.)

By patients responses of "its a breath of fresh air to see someone like you here, are you staying for good?", I feel I was doing my part as an RN and actually taking the time with my patients to hear their concerns and make them feel cared for rather than like puppies getting treats thrown down their throats and off to the next one.

You made a really huge mistake. It sounds as if you, a brand new nurse, went into your new workplace and started telling your new colleagues that they gave inadequate or inferior care. Of course they put you on their (s)hit list.

It's not something people want to hear -- even me, and I'm the one saying it -- but nurses are hired based on how well the interviewer likes you, assuming all other things are roughly equal. Nurses also fit into a unit based on how well they're liked. You pretty much ensured that no one was going to like you. Then, every mistake you make is magnified and no one is willing to go to bat for you. New employees who are well liked will be forgiven more mistakes and greater mistakes than someone who isn't well liked.

Likability is one of those vague, nebulous things. But going into a new workplace and behaving like a whistle-blower is almost certainly going to make you unlikable. Hopefully, you've learned from all this and will do better in your next position.

[RNitis]

Yes, I did learn. As I stated "I made a HUGE mistake". I wasn't in any way trying to make anyone feel inadequate or inferior, I didn't go right up to people and say "hey you, you, you..." and point fingers, neither did I do anything to score brownie points, I merely did them because the patient needed them done, but I unfortunately realized what I did a little too late. I didn't realize that being new to a facility (and new to whole career, for that matter), I wasn't supposed to ask questions nor ask if things I noticed were not completed-I should complete. What I did realize (too late) is "do what you are assigned on your shift, if you have extra time then you can look back, but I would never write my name on a task that wasn't completed on time". I find there to be a catch 22 in there. Could anyone clarify this for me? Do I ignore anything not done for the patient because it wasn't assigned to my shift (and not passed on in report) or do I do for the patient what needs to be completed and risk my coworkers looking at me like a "whistle blower"?

Also, reading "favoritism is nursing" today, cleared my head up a little bit on the situation and made me realize I wasn't wrong in my earlier conclusions.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Yes, I did learn. As I stated "I made a HUGE mistake". I wasn't in any way trying to make anyone feel inadequate or inferior, I didn't go right up to people and say "hey you, you, you..." and point fingers, neither did I do anything to score brownie points, I merely did them because the patient needed them done, but I unfortunately realized what I did a little too late. I didn't realize that being new to a facility (and new to whole career, for that matter), I wasn't supposed to ask questions nor ask if things I noticed were not completed-I should complete. What I did realize (too late) is "do what you are assigned on your shift, if you have extra time then you can look back, but I would never write my name on a task that wasn't completed on time". I find there to be a catch 22 in there. Could anyone clarify this for me? Do I ignore anything not done for the patient because it wasn't assigned to my shift (and not passed on in report) or do I do for the patient what needs to be completed and risk my coworkers looking at me like a "whistle blower"?

Also, reading "favoritism is nursing" today, cleared my head up a little bit on the situation and made me realize I wasn't wrong in my earlier conclusions.

The only person whose practice you can control is your own. So go in there an learn, work at becoming competent and being able to complete your own skills. You're there to learn to do the best that you can do, you're not there to monitor anyone else's practice. Or do you seriously believe that you're the only person who ever wondered whether the previous shift was doing what they said they were doing? Leave that up to someone who can actually do something about it and at this point in time, that isn't you.

[RNitis]

The only person whose practice you can control is your own. So go in there an learn, work at becoming competent and being able to complete your own skills. You're there to learn to do the best that you can do, you're not there to monitor anyone else's practice. Or do you seriously believe that you're the only person who ever wondered whether the previous shift was doing what they said they were doing? Leave that up to someone who can actually do something about it and at this point in time, that isn't you.

Again, I never went in there pointing out what others hadn't done, just asked if things that were not completed, I should do since "on my shift, I am responsible for my patient" (to me, I would think that includes what hasn't been done-and not by "wondering whether the previous shift did what they said", but because it's not written off as well as clearly not done). All I did was go in and try to learn, by asking questions, but in turn it bit me in the @55, I'm assuming because people thought I was "monitoring other people's practice" (guilty consciences, maybe?)...Maybe I'll learn to be a duck or just be more selective in the environment I choose. I'll take the fact that the people where on strike and that even the current workers (those who stayed and those who were new and by the revolving door of employees) that it just wasn't a place that I fit in. And my nursing license will probably thank me in the long run.

[hha01]

Hi there,

I feel related to your story. What they told me was that "I am a great nurse" and "patients like me, I am compassionate and caring... and blah, blah, blah..." all good stuff about me and then "but you seemed overwhelmed, this place is not the right fit for you" Duh?

I am worried I can't find the next nursing job. It was very hard to find and accepted this one since I had to move out of state. I have a family to raise with young kids and I don't know what is waiting for me. I am afraid that I have to find a Mc Donald job so I can support my family right away I am so scared you know. I always try hard in all I do and believe in hard work. But even though I have used the same principle on my 1st nursing job, I still fail. I am so discouraged, feel stupid, incompetent, ashamed, scared, depressed, all kinds of emotions. I have bills and edu/car loans need to pay off. Feeling like I can't breathe right now. All my friends who got jobs shared positive experiences. I knew ahead it was going to be tough but nothing like this. I never imagine myself being fired from a job. Really? I always do good in all things I have done in the past. My former employers were so pleased with my performances and was glad to have me because I was conscientious, willing to do more and beyond, smart, fun, easy going, getting along well, etc. This is shocking! It's terrible. I feel like the whole world collapses on me.

So you are not alone. But can we get through this. I pray!!!

[Flatlander]

To hha01 -- You will recover and move on to a career in nursing, if that's what you really want. Hang around this site and keep picking up the hints and advice that are so plentiful here. Also connect with other experienced nurses wherever you can find them. Networking through friends and community groups can lead to some great support and advice on career moves. You might put some effort into improving your English grammar in your writing, and if necessary, in your spoken grammar. Maybe that's not an issue, but from your post it looks like it could be, based on minor grammar errors (use of plurals and verb tense). Being confident in your communication skills will help you, too, in the long run, as will brushing up on any nursing skills and knowledge areas you are lacking in. (I know it is overwhelming to think of all this at once...Take is as you can, and as you are able.) Those of us who have been through it know the pain and disappointment you are feeling due to job loss. Success is the best remedy! Believe in yourself and go for it!

[Flatlander]

To "really new rn" -- I sympathize with what you are going through. And I admire your struggle to understand what happened and how your behavior did or didn't contribute to your problem. I think that's all any of us can do -- to try to be honest with ourselves and to adjust our behavior if we are in the wrong. Sometimes apologies or amends are in order if we conclude that we were in the wrong. All the while remembering that no one, no one is perfect.

Sometimes we are unfairly judged; sometimes **** happens and we never know the real reasons. I, myself, have a tendency to ruminate on this kind of stuff. Best to learn whatever there is to learn and put it behind you, I think. You can apply whatever lessons to your future conduct and interactions with others. I do believe you have hit on an issue that creates discomfort, as evidenced by some of the replies you received. It might be a good topic for discussion on how to handle it when it appears others are not doing their job or are falsifying records. As you've pointed out, it's kind of like stepping into a minefield. As a newbie, you're already a target to some in the workplace, I think. Caution might be the watchword here... and Courage, as well.

Good luck. Keep us posted!

[Bigmaine33]

Hi RNitis,

First off, thanks for the words of encouragement it was really heart felt. I'm still trying to find employment. How are things going for you?

[calivianya, BSN, RN]

Try for new grad residencies. I can't think of any off the top of my head with this stipulation, but at least a few of the places I've looked at have said they will put you in a residency if you have less than a year of experience, not just if you are newly graduated. That would be worth a shot!

[RNitis]

Hi RNitis,

First off, thanks for the words of encouragement it was really heart felt. I'm still trying to find employment. How are things going for you?

Things are going really well, actually!! At the end of March, I received 3 call backs for positions in which I had applied. I did orientation at all of them. Found one to "not be a good fit", but the other two, I absolutely love!! And the best part..is the LTC I've found to take me under there wing, is absolutely awesome!! Real people, no backstabbing, appropriate orientation and a "put together place". I hear from some that its a horrible place to work, but I don't see that at all! (It may be bc that first position I got was THE WORST place to work!!) So the first job is going great, part time, flexible hours-willing to work around my schedule- and good people, also. The second job is great, understanding of being a new grad and willing to ensure I become a great asset to the team. I couldn't ask for anything else!! Shortly after starting, I received another offer, but had to turn it down. I'm very happy to say I've found my way and can finally get my life back on track after not working for TWO years. And to think, I was ready to give up on nursing altogether. Glad I didn't!!