2 months as an RN and getting depressed.(sort of a long rant, sorry:)

  1. So...
    When I decided I wanted to be a nurse it was like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders..I finally knew what I wanted to "be when I grew up"! I love people, I love helping people, and I was so happy and excited etc etc...
    I made it through nursing school, and graduated this December. I passed the boards. I was offered jobs for all the positions I interviewed for. Everthing seems peachy, right?

    Now, I'm working on an Oncology/MedSurg floor, and my preceptors were great. I had about a 6- 7week orientation, and i've only been on my own for a couple of shifts now. So far the the max pt. load is 5, but i know i will eventually get 6 on a regular basis. So here's my problem...I'm not loving it. I hardly even like it. I can't even pin point why. I work nights, and maybe it's just my sleep schedule taking a toll on my body, but i find myself getting so anxious and crying the day before i have to go in to work. I keep telling myself it's just because I'm new and everybody says it takes 6 months to a year before you feel comfortable, but sometimes I really just want to quit and not deal with it. My husband doesn't know how to deal with all of my crazy emotions and thinks I should go see a shrink.
    I guess I just want someone else to say they've gone through something similar. I love working with my patients, and they have all responded very well to me, but I think it's just when I start thinking of all the things that could go wrong, I start freaking out. So, I work tomorrow night, which means I started crying about an hour ago, even though I have all of tomorrow daytime to chill before i go in. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!

    If you've read this far, thanks, i actually do feel a bit better just getting this off my chest. ANY pearls of wisdom to a new nurse who is feeling very overwhelmed, unsure, intimidated, and very sad at times would be greatly appreciated.

    P.S.Thanks to all those who have posted such great advice on these boards before, they helped me through school and the boards and I am so thankful I found allnurses.com!!!
    •  
  2. 10 Comments

  3. by   canoehead
    Same thing happened to me as a new grad. Although I'm glad I made it through I am not sure how I did it. Mostly I made it because I thought I had to, but I'm sure I wouldn't be strong enougb to do it again, or be lucky enough that I didn't kill anyone. I think your feelings are natural, and definitely DON'T mean you are a bad nurse. Can you see nursing as an enjoyable profession once you get your feet under you? If you can it's probably the right spot for you.

    Oncology is one of the more difficult spots to start out in. You've got indepth, detailed assessments, and so much emotion to deal with, your own, and the families'. Before you give up on yourself, ask yourself if another umit would suit you better.
  4. by   Tweety
    There's nothing wrong with you. You're entirely normal. Med-surg oncology with those ratios is very tough. Hang in there. Good advice above.
  5. by   janetrette
    i think these feelings that you have are normal. school and the real world is two different world. it will take time once you get used to it. i think that it's great that you vent your feelings. take care:spin:
  6. by   AussieKylie
    Hi Paravell

    I have to say as I am in my last year of Uni, hoping to graduate end of October this year that I admire you alot. I agree with the previous replies given to you, it will take time for you to start to like it and then you will feel a lot better.

    What I admire about you and many other grad nurses is having to go through interviews with hospitals and succeeding with them and getting a job. Apart from that, surely you are good with your clinical skills. So you have to be proud of yourself.

    Take one day at a time, I am sure you will see the job for what you want it to be.

    I am so nervous in going through Interviews and trying to retain clinical skills. I hope I get through just the way you have done.

    kind regards and best wishes
  7. by   Paravell
    Thank y'all all SOO much for your encouraging words of support. I just got off my 7p-7a shift, and I'm feeling pretty good. I have to remind myself to take it one day at a time, and when I leave work, I need to "leave work" and not go over every single little thing once I get home! My last "real job" I had I was at the top of the totem pole- I was the one training people...it's a hard transition to be the one asking people questions all the time; fortunately, I've found the RN's on my floor that don't mind a pesky little new grad It seems like school was such a long time ago, and I just keep reminding myself how hard I worked to get to where I am, and that if some of the nurses I see can do it, then damn well I can I seriously thank everyone for responding, it really made me feel a whole lot better about things. Take care,

    paravell
  8. by   elizabells
    Sweetheart, I think that can happen with any big transition! I just got accepted to the school of my dreams in the city of my dreams in the specialty of my dreams - and after a week of floating on air I nearly had a nervous breakdown and seriously thought about forfeiting my deposit and not going. I think it's natural - hang in, you made it this far!
  9. by   grimmy
    Quote from paravell
    thank y'all all soo much for your encouraging words of support. i just got off my 7p-7a shift, and i'm feeling pretty good. i have to remind myself to take it one day at a time, and when i leave work, i need to "leave work" and not go over every single little thing once i get home! my last "real job" i had i was at the top of the totem pole- i was the one training people...it's a hard transition to be the one asking people questions all the time; fortunately, i've found the rn's on my floor that don't mind a pesky little new grad it seems like school was such a long time ago, and i just keep reminding myself how hard i worked to get to where i am, and that if some of the nurses i see can do it, then damn well i can i seriously thank everyone for responding, it really made me feel a whole lot better about things. take care,

    paravell

    [font=book antiqua]leaving work at work is such a hard thing to do sometimes...i understand. the last two evenings i've had some pretty anxious dreams (nightmares) about being in the or and being totally clueless with some idiot resident screaming at me to find something. yesterday i woke up in a sweat. i'm soooo glad i'm taking two days off next week when my mom is coming to visit. i need them. if you can possibly take a day off every now and then, it's worth it. i've gotten in the habit of coming home from work and walking the dog, regardless of the weather, and i feel a lot better. i also work out at the gym before work most mornings. i think it helps, too. i don't have too many problems with waking anxiety. i really love my job, and i'm very grateful to have it. most days i have a lot of fun (this past friday being an exception), and i'm going to stick around. my advice, for what its worth, is to find some stress-relief activities that take your focus away from work. it really does help.
  10. by   teriadn2004
    Quote from Paravell
    Thank y'all all SOO much for your encouraging words of support. I just got off my 7p-7a shift, and I'm feeling pretty good. I have to remind myself to take it one day at a time, and when I leave work, I need to "leave work" and not go over every single little thing once I get home! My last "real job" I had I was at the top of the totem pole- I was the one training people...it's a hard transition to be the one asking people questions all the time; fortunately, I've found the RN's on my floor that don't mind a pesky little new grad It seems like school was such a long time ago, and I just keep reminding myself how hard I worked to get to where I am, and that if some of the nurses I see can do it, then damn well I can I seriously thank everyone for responding, it really made me feel a whole lot better about things. Take care,

    paravell
    As a matter of fact, I did on another area - that was about 6 weeks ago when I found this wonderful website - I too had a "top of the pole" position and was always the one that everyone came to when they didn't know who else to ask - worse yet, it was at the same facility I'm at now - I think this what makes it so hard for Hang in there, I can honestly say that I feel better about myself JUST about every day. I think "this too shall pass" for us both. Good-luck .
  11. by   lady_jezebel
    Normal normal normal.

    Don't worry. The first year as a new nurse is rough for everyone, and most people question their career choice. No one really "loves" it until they find their passion & become more comfortable in the nursing role. Believe me, you can't really see what this field is all about until at least a year goes by -- just stick with it, and you'll see what I mean. You'll have a different perspective at that point & better understand where you fit into the larger picture.
  12. by   Paravell
    Thanks to all those who have replied! I recently had my 90 day evaluation, and it went pretty stellar, and things have been going ok. I still have my days where I'm sure I made the wrong choice, but it's usually just me giving into my own self doubt and insecurities. Which I really need to get over!!!
    Anyways, last night was interesting..i had to fill out my first incident report. Nothing that I did, but my pt. who was getting chemo felt the need to pull our her Hohn catheter. During Chemo. Chemo spill kits are not fun things. Then, 3 hours later, she pulled out her peripheral. Fun times. At first I was about to cry but then I realized I had been rounding on her very often, and there was nothing I could do! Except tell the day shift to get a sitter for this lady who is evidently developing alzheimers!!! Anyways, this site is so great, and thanks again for all the encouraging words!!!

    -Paravell.

close