http://allnurses.com Nursing and Health blogs written by staff and friends. en Sat, 21 Nov 2009 18:09:30 GMT vBulletin 60 http://img.an-file.info/misc/rss.jpg http://allnurses.com http://allnurses.com/nursing-blogs/resources-nurse-educators-439194-new.html Sun, 15 Nov 2009 12:25:04 GMT The following are a list of valuable resources for the nurse educator that I have compiled over the... The following are a list of valuable resources for the nurse educator that I have compiled over the years. These should be of immense help to you in the classroom or clinical area. Enjoy!

NLN Living Book of Teaching and Learning

The Think Bank

How Adults Learn

Active Learning: Creating Excitement in the Classroom

The Active Learning Site

Teaching Smart, Learning Easy

Crossword & Sudoku Puzzle Makers

Creative Crossword Puzzles for Nursing Students

National Archives Video Clips

Center for Teaching Excellence

Education Scholar

Examples of Clinical Forms (Cypress College)

Care Plan Forms

SkillStat Learning

PowerPoints on Basic Nursing Concepts and Skills ]]> Nursing Blogs VickyRN http://allnurses.com/nursing-blogs/resources-nurse-educators-439194.html http://allnurses.com/nursing-blogs/you-just-cant-437747-new.html Sun, 08 Nov 2009 21:05:46 GMT I don't remember who said it first, but this little gem of truth has stuck with me for thirty years:

Stupidity is a lot like nuclear energy---it can be used for good or for evil, but either way, you don't want to get any on you.

This is never more true than when taking care of patients who have done incredibly idiotic things to themselves that require medical attention. I've had a few who make me feel as though my I.Q. drops 25 points every time I walk into their room.........as if their stupidity somehow rubs off on me and causes me to go through the rest of my day pulling boneheaded stunts, like writing half a page of nursing notes in the wrong patient's chart and going home with the narc keys.

If I nurse for another forty years, I'll never forget the young tough-guy wannabe who was admitted to our Med/Surg floor some years ago for repair of his left testicle, which had evidently been in the way when he decided to make like John Dillinger and shove his TEC-9 in the waistband of his Wranglers. Apparently no one had ever informed him that this practice is a little riskier than they make it look on TV, and he was incredulous at the idea of having shot off one of his "boys":

"I can't bleepin' believe I bleepin' shot my bleepin' BALL off," he murmured as the effects of the anesthesia wore off. We should've known that the next four days would be a challenge as he recovered from his surgery and began to deal with what he'd done..........but we didn't have time to ponder this, as he kept us running back and forth the entire time he was in the hospital.

He wanted pain medicine. He wanted his girlfriend. He wanted Pepsi. He wanted McDonalds. He wanted more Pepsi. He wanted a candy bar. Mostly, he wanted sympathy: "Ohhh, this hurts so bleepin' bad, ow, ow, yanno how it feels to get shot in the nuts, oh, no you don't, you're a girl, owwwwwwwww!!" He whined. He cried. He put on his call light every five minutes. He did everything but take responsibility for his own predicament. "If that cop hadn't driven by at that second, none of this would've happened, yanno," he said repeatedly.

Naturally, Ms. Big Mouth here can only put up with so much sheer stupidity, so I asked him if he'd ever thought that maybe he shouldn't have been messing with the gun in the first place. I grew up around firearms and know how to use them.....and never in a million years would I be foolish enough to shove a loaded pistol into my waistband.

"NO," he answered with some vehemence. "Guys like me, we always gotta protect ourselves, yanno?" Well, I didn't know, but this reply gave me an idea, which was pretty much confirmed when one of the other nurses found traces of marijuana in the bathroom after one of his frequent 'visitors' had been in to see him. Additionally, a search of his belongings by the security staff turned up several baggies filled with weed, a pipe, and a couple of old pill bottles with crystal meth inside.

Does it get any dumber than dealing drugs from your hospital room? Yes, if you happen to be a lanky, dishwater-blond twentysomething from Felony Flats, Oregon. One lovely autumn day several months after his discharge, the word came up to the floor that he was back in the ER, again a victim of a self-inflicted GSW..........only this time, he'd not only shot off his remaining testicle, but a good portion of his manhood as well!

This is one of those things that you can't believe unless you see it for yourself. And as terrible as it sounds, all I could think of was how fortunate it was for society that this character had rendered himself permanently incapable of producing offspring........you just can't fix that kind of stupid. Yanno? ]]> Nursing Blogs VivaLasViejas http://allnurses.com/nursing-blogs/you-just-cant-437747.html http://allnurses.com/nursing-blogs/nurse-educator-chronicles-437553-new.html Sat, 07 Nov 2009 19:04:53 GMT It was a happy productive morning on the postpartum floor. I was busy with my group of clinical... It was a happy productive morning on the postpartum floor. I was busy with my group of clinical students overseeing “BUBBLEHE” assessments, reinforcing breastfeeding techniques with the new moms, performing non-stress tests on the antepartal patients, drawing labs, hanging IV maintenance fluids, and administering medications. This was a pleasant unit with all the new mothers and babies.

My euphoria was rudely interrupted when a staff nurse approached me with concerns about one of my students. “Do you know your student is just sitting over there, doing nothing?” She glanced in an accusatory manner towards my lone male student “Catfish,” who was quietly occupying a seat in an inconspicuous area at the farthest edge of the unit.

“Catfish” was entirely bald, short and stocky, in his forties, with an engaging smile and twinkling blue eyes. He was a man of few words, but very gentle and polite. True to his nickname, he was a commercial fisherman, who was picking up nursing as a second career.

“Catfish” appeared utterly miserable and forlorn as he sat nearly hunched over. His eyes were devoid of the usual sparkle, staring vacantly at the floor. He looked as if he hoped the earth would open up and swallow him whole.

“What’s wrong, Catfish?” I asked. “Why are you just sitting here?” With that inquiry, the saddest expression swept across his face and he seemed about to cry. I'd seen that look before. It was classic for a male student on the OB floor and I almost had to bite my lip to keep from smiling.

“I’m so sorry, Ma’am,” was his doleful reply, “But neither my assigned patient nor anybody else will let me in their room!” I found two or three tasks to occupy his time during the remainder of the shift on the unit. But, overall, he was correct – very few moms would allow him in their rooms, even with a female escort. And, there was nothing that I, as a clinical instructor, could do about it.

Catfish suffered through the rest of the two-week rotation on the unit, trying to stay out of the way of as many new moms as possible. Not too soon enough for him, his stint in OB purgatory mercifully came to an end. He then very gratefully returned to the blissful clinical surroundings of the medical-surgical floor. ]]> Nursing Blogs VickyRN http://allnurses.com/nursing-blogs/nurse-educator-chronicles-437553.html http://allnurses.com/nursing-blogs/life-death-other-436385-new.html Tue, 03 Nov 2009 05:54:24 GMT With the advent of chill winds and falling leaves, it almost seems as if the world is in a hurry to... With the advent of chill winds and falling leaves, it almost seems as if the world is in a hurry to finish its business before winter comes: animals grow thicker coats and store up food for the long, cold months; flowers fade and vines wither; humans stock their pantries in anticipation of the upcoming holidays. And all too often, the change of seasons heralds not only the end of the year, but the lives of the sick and old.

Letha* was a ninety-year-old, ninety-pound train wreck of a woman who arrived on my long-term care unit the day we turned the clocks forward last spring. She had previously been healthy and independent, but a series of strokes followed by medication-induced diabetes had robbed her of most of her sight, as well as her ability to walk, toilet herself, and perform most of her own ADLs. She was alert and cooperative, and she never complained, but with fingersticks and insulin coverage, plus two large decubiti, plus frequent urination, she required a lot of care.........just what we needed on a unit that was already overpopulated with IDDMs and wounds and LOLs with half-ounce sized bladders.

And then, there was Letha's family.

Letha had three daughters and a son, and the most polite way I could describe the daughters was 'intense'. These women were at the facility a minimum of 16 hours a day, endlessly fussing over Letha and demanding that we wait on her hand and foot whenever they were out of the building. Letha had a twenty-minute ritual for mouth care in the morning, and an equally involved routine at night. Letha needed to have her feet elevated just so whenever she was in bed. Letha may not drink any juice other than cranberry. Letha was not to wait more than two minutes for assistance after pushing the call light. Letha must get up for all meals, but be in bed for the night no later than 1930. Letha's 'needs' were so numerous, in fact, that they didn't fit on our one-page care plan form, so a PeeChee folder with the play-by-play was placed on her closet shelf for staff reference.

Well, as is usually the case with these situations, Letha herself was not the problem. Her sweet nature and cheerful outlook made her an instant favorite with other residents and staff alike, and despite some dementia, she had such a quick wit about her that we were always taken by surprise. One afternoon as I was checking her blood sugar, I was bemoaning the sad state of her fingers, all of which were so bruised and mangled from QID fingersticks that I almost couldn't bring myself to do the deed; instead of complaining, she quipped, "It'll hurt you worse than it does me, 'cause I'm gonna take a bite out of your arm before you do it."

Weeks, then months slipped by as Letha began to grow stronger with the help of our physical therapy team and the ubiquitous presence of her daughters, who continued to encourage/force their mother to do things she didn't want to do in order to achieve their goals for her (which, as many of us privately believed, included staying alive forever). For a while, it looked as if she might just walk again.....until she caught a bad cold that promptly turned into pneumonia. We administered antibiotics and breathing treatments every four hours round the clock until she was out of danger. She contracted C. difficile after this episode and landed in the hospital, then returned with several new medications added to the arsenal of drugs we had to crush and administer, one at a time, due to her dysphagia. She followed up with yet another mild CVA a couple of months later..........and in the meantime, more and more tasks were being added to her care plan by her ever-vigilant daughters, who spent much of their time complaining to management about what they called "the lousy care that's killing our mother".

Naturally, we nurses and aides resented the implication that our unwillingness to ignore our other 28 residents so we could tend to Letha every waking moment was "killing" her. As much as we loved her, there simply weren't enough hours in the shift to fulfill all her daughters' demands, and frankly, she was NINETY......and in bad shape to boot. What did they expect from us, anyhow? Miracles?

On a personal level, however, this went far deeper than simple annoyance with a fussy family. I have long been angered by our society's refusal to acknowledge death as a fact of life. I see it every day in the faces of elders whose bodies are still here, but whose minds and memories have long since deserted them........the pain-filled eyes of patients in the late stages of cancer...........the epic waste of limited resources on treatments that merely prolong the inevitable. And in many cases, they endure it all only because their families can't (or won't) let them go.

It was obvious that this series of downturns was a signal that Letha was getting tired, and we often talked among ourselves about how we wished her daughters would stop pushing, pushing, pushing and let Nature take its course.

As healthcare professionals, we know that there really are fates worse than death.......namely, going on and on like this.


~Continued~


*All names have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved. ]]> Nursing Blogs VivaLasViejas http://allnurses.com/nursing-blogs/life-death-other-436385.html http://allnurses.com/nursing-blogs/student-resources-nursing-436031-new.html Sun, 01 Nov 2009 17:05:33 GMT Whether administering medications or hanging IV drips, nurses must accurately perform dosage... Whether administering medications or hanging IV drips, nurses must accurately perform dosage calculations. This is a critical factor for patient safety, as a patient's life may depend on it.

Nursing math requires a working knowledge of ratio-proportion and/or dimensional analysis. Most of these type calculations are at the 6th or 7th grade level, involving addition, subtraction, multiplication, division, and decimals/ fractions. Memorizing the most common conversion factors and knowing how to use them (such as converting kilograms to pounds or centimeters to inches) is essential. Instructor specifications for rounding (whether to the tenth or hundredths) should be carefully clarified by the student prior to taking any dosage calculation examination.

This is an excellent nursing math resource from Delmar publishers:
3 – 2 – 1 Calc! Comprehensive Dosage Calculations Online It includes extensive Internet tutorials and resources. It presents the material from both the ratio-proportion and dimensional analysis perspectives.

Free Internet nursing math resources:

Free Dosage Calculation Study Ware from Delmar Publishing (interactive - great study tool!)

UNC School of Nursing Tutorials (Metric Conversions, Tablet Dosage Calculations, Fluid Dosage Calculations, IV Flow Rate Calculations)

Conversion Factors (centimeters to inches, etc.)

Manuel’s Web Nursing Calculators – You can use this handy tool to double check your own calculations.

Dales Nursing Place Math Tutorials

Dimensional Analysis

Medication Math for the Nursing Student – uses dimensional analysis

Pharmacology Math “Show Me”

Bonnie and Jill’s Practical Approach to Dosage Calculations – uses the clever “M & M” theory of math

Dosage Help – a very useful tutorial for practicing dosage calculations


Dosages quizzes from Prentice Hall! (At the completion of each quiz section you may submit your answers to receive an instant score of your results.)

Chapter 1: Review of Arithmetic for Medical Dosage Calculations

Chapter 2: Safe and Accurate Drug Administration

Chapter 3: Dimensional Analysis

Chapter 4: Systems of Measurement for Dosage Calculations

Chapter 5: Converting from One System of Measurement to Another

Chapter 6: Calculating Oral Medications Doses

Chapter 7: Syringes

Chapter 8: Preparation of Solutions

Chapter 9: Parenteral Medications

Chapter 10: Calculating Flow Rates and Durations of Enternal and Intravenous Infusions

Chapter 11: Calculating Flow Rates for Intravenous Medications

Chapter 12: Calculating Pediatric Dosages

Comprehensive Self-Test


]]> Nursing Blogs VickyRN http://allnurses.com/nursing-blogs/student-resources-nursing-436031.html http://allnurses.com/nursing-blogs/wardrobe-malfunction-why-435872-new.html Sat, 31 Oct 2009 20:32:45 GMT I consider myself a reasonably intelligent individual, but every now and again I have to re-learn a... I consider myself a reasonably intelligent individual, but every now and again I have to re-learn a lesson that should've sunk in at least the second or third time I was confronted with it.

Take the wearing of Halloween costumes. I've donned all sorts of crazy things in the name of fun, including a streetwalker outfit that almost got me arrested once, and a cowboy's gun belt that some kid stole the fake pistol out of and held it against my back, parading me around an entire carnival as if he were an Old West sheriff and I an outlaw. Embarrassing, to say the least, but I always went back the next year for more.

During the years I was in LTC management, dressing up for Halloween wasn't encouraged, so I'd wear orange-and-black fingernail polish and maybe a jack-o-lantern pin and call it good. Where I work now, however, it's not only allowed, but actively promoted by everyone from the DNS on down to the actitivities director "because the residents love it".

Well, the eight-year-old who lives inside this late-middle-aged body loves all things holiday (I am perhaps the only person on earth who owns a PLAID Santa Claus hat), so I leapt at the chance to wear my pirate wench costume from Halloweens past. It's a homemade outfit complete with a long skirt and matching sash, a white tunic top, striped socks, boots, a scabbard to keep my sword in (a real one, not one of those cheap plastic things you find in Target), and even a pirate do-rag. ARRRRRRRRR, matey!

My first inkling that this outfit was going to be trouble came when I realized that I hadn't worn any of its components in several years, and even having lost a fairly significant amount of weight in recent months, I'd forgotten that while I had changed sizes, the costume had not. The shirt hung on me like a flour sack, and the skirt promptly slid down to my hips when I put it on. Even the boots were bigger than I remembered. Fortunately, I had another white tunic top that fit me better; adding another pair of socks under the stripey ones solved the footwear issue, and I dealt with the skirt by rolling up the waistband several times and cinching the whole thing with the sash.

I had to readjust the outfit when I got out of the car, and whenever I stood up or sat down; otherwise, the costume was a huge hit with residents and staff alike. Unfortunately, however, the shift wasn't even half over before "Gwyn, The Avenger of the Spanish Main" got tired of the sword banging against her leg.........the skirt heading South and tripping her every time she pushed her med cart down the hall........the sweat dripping from under the do-rag. Actually, Gwyn was just tired, period---who knew ten pounds of costume accessories could wear one out like this?

So, once the residents' party was over and the families were gone, I decided to lose the extras and simply finish the shift in the gauzy tunic and skirt, which were at least cool and comfortable (anyone who's ever worked in a nursing home knows how insanely hot these places are).....if not terribly functional. Trouble was, once I took off the sash, I could no longer be sure of the skirt, which threatened to slide down my hips every time I exhaled. I tried a safety pin, which promptly stabbed me in the abdomen when I bent over to retrieve a used insulin syringe I'd accidentally dropped into a trash can instead of the sharps box.

"Pin it around your neck, and maybe it'll be useful," suggested the CNA who'd just seen me stumble over the hem for the tenth time.

"Can you hike it up over your chest?" offered another. I am rather substantial on top, and this seemed like the best idea yet, so I tried it. It lasted as long as I stayed seated, but once I was up and running around the floor it would begin to slip.......first down the back, then off the front. So I wound up working most of the rest of the evening with a death grip on the waistband and part of the skirt itself, cursing myself for not even thinking to bring a change of clothes and wondering why it had never occurred to me that an outfit I wore sixty-five pounds ago might not fit me anymore.

Then it happened.

I was standing at the med cart, giving direction to a CNA who isn't what I'd call the brightest bulb in the chandelier and pulling a PRN pain med for a resident whose phantom limb pain was kicking up, when I got distracted by another resident who likes to pat us "girls" on the backside. Startled, I whirled around...........and my skirt fell off. It fell off. It fell the heck OFF, landing in a multicolored puddle around my ankles and giving the flirtatious resident more than just a glance at my, um, assets.

Next Halloween, I think I'll just dress all in white and wear my nurse's cap......it may not be much of a 'costume', but at least it won't give everyone something they'll talk about till Christmas! ]]> Nursing Blogs VivaLasViejas http://allnurses.com/nursing-blogs/wardrobe-malfunction-why-435872.html http://allnurses.com/nursing-blogs/nurse-educator-chronicles-434232-new.html Sun, 25 Oct 2009 14:47:11 GMT Gladys* was a senior nursing student, in her fourth semester (out of five) in the rough and tough... Gladys* was a senior nursing student, in her fourth semester (out of five) in the rough and tough ADN program. She was very insecure and it showed in her demeanor. She had self-esteem issues and sometimes came across as “goofy.” She was middle-aged and morbidly obese, with an awkward air, and was clumsy. She had a loud, booming voice with a thick country accent and her speech was littered with poor grammar. Her grades were mediocre and she just managed to “squeak by” with a low C each semester.

Some of the other instructors did not like Gladys. They did not feel she would make a good-quality nurse and they wanted to weed her out of the program.

The opportunity came for one of the instructors during a clinical with Gladys on a specialty unit. The instructor wrote up Gladys for behaving “unprofessionally” and for having difficulty with a lab draw procedure. The more this instructor “rode” Gladys, the more her insecurity grew and the worse her performance became in clinical, a vicious cycle. This instructor meticulously documented each of Gladys’ clinical shortcomings. By the time Gladys came to me (during the second half of the semester), she was failing clinical.

Now it was my turn with Gladys. It would be up to me to make the judgment call as to whether Gladys passed or failed clinical that semester. If she failed clinical, she would be out of the program, with the possibility of re-entering one year later. I did not feel comfortable being placed in this position. Gladys would need to perform superlatively during my six-week rotation in order to overcome all the “black marks” from the previous six weeks and to earn enough points to pass.

The first clinical day during the second half of the rotation, Gladys had a “deer in the headlight” look. She seemed terrified and was almost shaking. To alleviate her anxiety, I quietly took her aside and gently spoke to her. I told her, “You’re in my clinical now. I am not Mrs. ___. I make up my own mind about students and am not swayed by prior negative reports. You need to put the bad experiences of the past six weeks out of your mind and start anew today.” With that soothing overture, she seemed to immediately calm down. I then gently probed, “What can I do to help you succeed?”

The transformation in Gladys from that point on was amazing. She went from being a nervous wreck to a much more confident and competent student. I allowed her space, but kept a watchful eye on her from a nonthreatening distance. I complimented her on positives. I sought her input about her preferences concerning patient assignments and procedures she would like to perform. She came to clinical prepared and her performance on the unit truly was superlative. In fact, patients and staff alike remarked about Gladys’ high quality care. She received many compliments on the floor.

Gladys passed the semester and six months later, graduated from the program. After that, I lost track of Gladys.

Fast track six years later. My husband and I are eating lunch in a restaurant in a neighboring town. I suddenly hear a familiar booming voice from the past, calling out my name. It is Gladys! She relates to me about her satisfying career as a corrections nurse. She also appears much slimmer. She states she has lost over 60 pounds since her recent gastric bypass surgery. She seems very happy with her life.

This goes to show, that as nursing instructors, sometimes students can surprise us. Gladys, contrary to all the negative expectations, went on to become a successful nurse working in corrections, which is a very challenging practice area. Gladys is now a contributing and functioning member of society. We have to be careful not to judge from the outward appearance, but to allow the true human potential to shine through.

* Name changed ]]> Nursing Blogs VickyRN http://allnurses.com/nursing-blogs/nurse-educator-chronicles-434232.html http://allnurses.com/nursing-blogs/student-resources-nursing-434180-new.html Sun, 25 Oct 2009 13:07:31 GMT Learning to perform nursing procedures correctly and safely is imperative for nursing students.... Learning to perform nursing procedures correctly and safely is imperative for nursing students. Practice, persistence, and keen attention to detail are key. In learning to competently perform procedures, practice does indeed make perfect. For visual learners, watching videos can be very helpful prior to practicing the procedure. The following are some excellent free instructional resources I have come across on the web:

Nursing Online Video Lessons
Meant for nursing assistant training, but an excellent resource for nursing students also.

Assorted Nursing Procedure Videos
From Saddleback.edu - Great find!

HACC Nursing 103
Videos on bandaging, bedmaking, nursing skills, physical assessment, positioning, IV therapy, medication administration, NG tubes

HACC Nursing 205
NG tubes, wound packing

Nursing Videos from University of Manitoba
Excellent resources!

Instructional video clips for nursing students by a nursing instructor

Nursing procedure videos from the US Army:
Nursing Fundamentals – I Videos
Nursing Fundamentals – II Videos
Nursing Care of the Surgical Patient Videos
IM, SubQ, and Intradermal Injections
Scrub, Gown, and Glove Procedures
Obstetric and Newborn Care
Obstetric and Newborn Care - II

Clinical Skills Videos
Clinical Skills videos for medical students. Of interest to nurses will be the venipuncture, urethral catheterization and NG tube insertion videos, but there are others as well that are done by physicians that might interest you. There are also videos of physical exam techniques. The videos can be downloaded to palm PDAs.

Colostomy/ Ostomy care:
Hollister Instructional Video Modules – Excellent resource!
Living with an Ostomy Video
Preparing the Patient for Colostomy Care – A Lesson Well-Learned

Hydrogels, Hydrocolloids, Foams

Wound Vac:
Wound Vac Video
Wound Vac Change

Pressure ulcers:
Caring for Pressure Ulcers pt 1of 4
Caring for Pressure Ulcers pt 2 of 4
Caring for Pressure Ulcers pt 3 of 4
Caring for Pressure Ulcers pt 4 of 4 ]]> Nursing Blogs VickyRN http://allnurses.com/nursing-blogs/student-resources-nursing-434180.html http://allnurses.com/nursing-blogs/nurses-say-darnedest-433477-new.html Thu, 22 Oct 2009 19:42:19 GMT One of the many zillions of trivialities that spark my hyperactive imagination late at night when I... One of the many zillions of trivialities that spark my hyperactive imagination late at night when I can't sleep:

Have you ever thought about what we must sound like to the average layperson when we use 'medicalese'? It's a language that flows as easily as our mother tongue after a few years in the business, but as I was lying in bed last night, wide awake long after sending a resident in flash pulmonary edema to the hospital, I got to thinking about the expressions we use in health care that must sound absolutely ridiculous to anyone who doesn't know the lingo.

Imagine, if you will, being an innocent bystander on a Med/Surg unit and hearing the following report on a new admit from an ER nurse: "Hey, I threw in a 20-gauge for ya and dropped an NG while Dr. McDreamy was writing orders. She's already put out 500 mils of dark brownish material, but at least she's stopped horking. Sats are 94% on 2 liters. You're gonna wanna watch her pressure, and she's pretty tachy......."

Get the picture?

How about some of these absurdities:

ICU nurse: "Look out, he's dropped his pressure!" Dropped it and broke it in a million pieces, no less! And we make it sound like it's all the patient's fault, too: "He dropped his pressure". Bad patient! bad! bad! (sound of wrist being slapped)

Report from charge nurse on new mom who hasn't voided since delivery nine hours ago: "I threw a catheter in and got 1200out right away......" If I didn't know better, I'd think throwing a rubber tube into an orifice that was designed to be an exit, not an entry, would be a mite painful for the victim....er, patient.

Call to the floor nurse from CCU: "You better check your tele patient in 215, he's tachy........" Excuse me? He may not have a lot of couth, but that's no reason to insult him.

Using the term "for me" in report, as in "Bill didn't poop for me today, but Ed had a nice extra-large BM for me after lunch." Like Ed evacuated his bowels especially to please the nurse. Bill, on the other hand, is a naughty boy who evidently refuses to perform on cue like a circus animal. MOM, coming right up!

LTC nurse to resident: "Bob, your dinner's coming, here's your clothing protector." Bob: "It's a bib." Nurse: "Well, we call it a clothing protector because it's a dignity issue." Bob: "Well, I call it a bib, cuz it keeps MY dignity offa my shirt!!"

Nurse, starting IV: "Okay, here we go, you're going to feel a little poke......." which, translated, means "I'm gonna drive a nail up your arm." Well, that's how it REALLY feels, so why do we lie to patients like this?

PACU nurse to M/S nurse on post-op TKR: "He hasn't started making urine yet." My mind's eye runs wild with this one as I envision the patient standing at a kitchen counter, emptying a packet of yellow powder into a pitcher and stirring.........

Nurse to family member: "Mr. Smith crashed and had to be put on life support." Again with the mental pictures, this one involving a fall from considerable height and the patient as a cartoon figure all crumpled up like an accordion.

Personally, I find the euphemisms we use for the expulsion of various bodily substances to be some of the silliest terms of all. Witness:

"Have you been able to pass any flatus today?" Pass what??? 'Flatus' sounds like something you do to a balloon.
Come to think of it, though, when you CAN'T pass flatus, it's like being full of hot air.........which indeed you are.

"Have you voided yet?" Voided what?? The check that I wrote to this hospital for the privilege of being poked and prodded and given drugs that made me forget who I was BEFORE they took out my gallbladder?

"Here's an emesis basin for you in case you feel nauseated." Gosh, I didn't feel that way before you handed me this pink, kidney-shaped plastic thingie, but now that you mention it....dang, it sure doesn't hold much, does it?

And the ever-popular "bleeding out." Well, where else is the bleeding supposed to go? Back IN?

I rest my case. ]]> Nursing Blogs VivaLasViejas http://allnurses.com/nursing-blogs/nurses-say-darnedest-433477.html