You Might Be An E.R. Nurse If ........

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    You believe that 90% of people are a poor excuse for protoplasm...

    Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you...

    You believe a good tape job will fix anything...

    You have the bladder capacity of five people...

    You can identify the positive teeth to tattoo ratio...

    Your idea of a good time is a full arrest at shift change...

    You find humor in other people's stupidity...

    You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac...

    You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see...

    You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance...

    When a patient presents with a list of 30 allergies to meds and you automatically assume they are a drug seeker and that their doctor is from out of town...

    Your idea of comforting a child includes placing them in a papoose restraint...

    You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA so you don't have to deal with them any longer...

    You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis...

    You have discovered a new condition that you call "hypo-xanax-emia"...

    You believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce...

    You plan what you are going to have for dinner while performing gastric lavage...

    You believe that "ask-a-nurse" is an evil plot thought up by Satan...

    You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet" is uttered...

    You refer to Friday as NH Dump Day and you don't mean New Hampshire...

    Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than most computers...

    You believe chocolate is a food group...

    You take it as a compliment when someone calls you dirty name...

    You are prone to complimenting complete strangers on their great veins when you are out in public...

    You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the eternal care unit...

    You don't think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is inappropriate...

    You have ever referred to someone's death as a celestial transfer...

    You have ever answered a "lost condom" phone call...

    You refer to someone in severe respiratory distress as a "smurf"...

    Your idea of a good time is dueling shock rooms...

    You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide...Doing It Right"...

    You feel that most suicide attempts should be given a free subscription to

    "Guns and Ammo" magazine...

    You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a nursing diagnosis...

    You have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably...

    You have ever wanted to reply "Yes" when someone calls and asks "Is my (husband, wife, mother, brother, friend, etc.) there?"...

    You have ever issued a "dead head" alert...

    Your favorite hallucinogenic is exhaustion...

    You think that caffeine should be available in I.V. form...

    You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience...

    Your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"...

    You have witnessed the charge nurse muttering down the hallway, "Who's in charge of this mess anyway?"...

    You refer to vegetables and are not talking about a food group...

    You have ever used the phrase "health care reform" to instill fear into your co-workers' hearts...

    You believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain...

    You play poker by betting ectopics on EKG strips...

    You believe a "supreme being consult" is your patients only hope...

    You are totally astounded when someone from a NH is understandable...

    You have been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider radiation a form of birth control...

    You believe your patient is demonically possessed...

    You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say, "I have no idea how that got stuck in there"...

    You believe that waiting room time should be proportional to length of time from symptom onset ("You've had the pain for three weeks...Well, have a seat in the waiting room and we'll get to you in three days")...

    AND FINALLY....

    YOU MIGHT BE AN E.R. NURSE IF...YOU FIND HUMOR IN ANY OF THIS!!!
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  4. 2 Comments so far...

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    It just not just apply to ED nursing I can tell you, I have my christmas plans sorted out already and well I am not happy unless i am packing a grossed out sternal wound, the deeper the better!!!!!!

    I know one of these days I must promise myself that I will go to a dinner party with the other half of the planet (that being the other half of civilisation known as non medical type people, and try not to talk about normal nursie stufff like wound care while the meat is being carved)

    WEll may be when I am 101 and can't remember what a wound is!!!! But our families love us anyway!!!!!
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    We all recognize those, we see them each and every night. And we continue to just shake our heads, and laugh silently. As laughter is the best medicine for us.
    What escapes me is the person who responded before me. What in hades is an Aussie oi oi oi
    I aint heard of that before
    Keep it in the short grass yalll
    Teeituptom


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