Triage complaints- the good, the bad, and the shocking.

Specialties Emergency

Published

"I was raped by an octopus."

"I have severe, severe, severe, SEVERE, SEVERE cold sores!" (five severes, I counted. And one cold sore visible.)

Discuss.

Specializes in Neonatal Nurse Practitioner.

A woman came into the ER because she took her temperature at home, and it was 120 F (48.9 C)

Had this one a few weeks ago:

Pt presents to triage via EMS for ETOH intoxication.

-Me: "sir do you know where you are right now?"

-Pt: (slurred speech) "I think in a hospital".

-Me: "sir who is the president?"

-Pt: (loudly) "yo momma"

Needless to say, pt placed on cart at triage, obs til sober.

Specializes in ER.
Mid 20s F. "You gave this black stuff to drink a couple of months ago when i took too many pills, now i think i'm pregnant". All righty then...

You're supposed to give charcoal PO, ya big noob.

Specializes in Emergency.

I checked to see if i had worked her on that visit. And nope, twern't me. So, ahhh, would that have been ordered PV to have the effect claimed?

Specializes in Medsurg/ICU, Mental Health, Home Health.
A woman came into the ER because she took her temperature at home and it was 120 F (48.9 C)[/quote']

I would start to cook dinner on myself at that point.

Specializes in ER, Addictions, Geriatrics.
A woman came into the ER because she took her temperature at home and it was 120 F (48.9 C)[/quote']

Yikes!

Specializes in ED.

The good: We have this homeless learning disabled lady who comes in all the time and she does not know how to speak in an inside voice. So she usually yells "I want a pregnancy test" for the first 10 visits, Then it became "I want a chlamydia test", now it is any sexually transmitted disease she can think of

The Bad: Drunk guy who calls 911 from the bar to bring him to the hospital so we can discharge him home with a cab voucher just so he can get home from the bar. I had a real yelling match with him in regards to this one night and the local PD came and picked him up and drove him to the edge of the city so he could walk home the few blocks in the neighboring city. Instead the drunk guy calls 911 again and ends up in our ED. I knew from the call that it was him again so PD took him to jail the second time around.

The Ugly: The 500 pound guy who has not left his house in 3 years comes in today because he is afraid he has HTN. I mean wouldn't you have been concerned about this ummmm 200 pounds ago?!?!

And why does every FB stuck up someones rectum always happen in the shower? I mean who keeps cucumbers, light bulbs, flash lights, and soda bottles in the shower and how do you always manage "to fall" right on them without them breaking first?

Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.

​"My truck ran over me..." (That was 13y ago, and I still remember it.)

Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
One of our medics told us about a call she had been to several years ago in involving a squirrel. A man was driving down a country road and a squirrel dropped into his open car window as he was slowing down. Both the driver and squirrel were equally panicked so the squirrel started scratching the crap out of the man's face!!

Awesome!

Specializes in MS, ED.

Oh...how sweet it is to check in and see this thread still going. :)

Recent ones:

Male pt, 50s, found in wheelchair in front of ED. Had IV and bracelet from another facility. Hrm. Called them up and they said "you're welcome!!" and hung up. Oh noes.

At triage window: female pt c/o feeling agitated. Let her in and turns out she is 'agitated' because her son was our patient the week before and "one of you stole his jacket."

Male pt, 30s, brought in by EMS after found wandering, incoherent. Proceeds to fight with security and EMS. I run over there to give IM and he lunges toward me, stares me straight in the face and says "YOU'RE CUTE AS HELL!!", sits right down and offers arm for shot.

Bitten by a duck. Didn't break skin and couldn't even tell where bite occurred.

"Saw what thinks was rat". This was great because she had no contact with presumed rat, but wanted to be checked out because "rats carry disease ya know". Ok. Note for work, too, of course.

And why does every FB stuck up someones rectum always happen in the shower? I mean who keeps cucumbers, light bulbs, flash lights, and soda bottles in the shower and how do you always manage "to fall" right on them without them breaking first?

You see, doc, I was in the shower, and I had just finished soaping up, when the doorbell rang....

Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

You see, doc, I was in the shower, and I had just finished soaping up, when the doorbell rang....

Getting popcorn....:cheeky:

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