Triage complaints- the good, the bad, and the shocking. - page 13
by canoehead 121,482 Views | 333 Comments
"I was raped by an octopus." "I have severe, severe, severe, SEVERE, SEVERE cold sores!" (five severes, I counted. And one cold sore visible.) Discuss.... Read More
- 2May 3, '13 by IrishErinQuote from morteShe was a very skinny little thing. I know that with my huge bum, there's no way you'll see a bump where mine is. Lol. I found it interesting that you could palpate the joint to be the same size on both side, but she was fixated on the one side and determined that it was a cyst. Oh well.Ah! then it may well have been her SI joint...
- 2May 3, '13 by NO50FRANNYQuote from Paul'in'FLSO. FUNNY.Snort! I had a similar complaint from an old gentleman with "turrrible vagina" who took "TNT" for the pain (somewhere he confused medical nitrogycerin with the "blow stuff up" kind!)
Is it wrong but my immediate thought here was.... Hmmm how great would it be if some of our patients tried taking TNT for their trivial complaints prior to coming to Emergency.....
- 2May 3, '13 by psu_213Quote from A.BrookI had a patient once who gave me this elaborate story about how their is a brown recluse in the port-a-potty at his work and that must have been what bit him. As he comes out of the room, doc says "yeah, he's got shingles."I have always been amazed by how many people are "bitten by spiders" and never see the arachnid. I always laugh when I see that complaint and go ahead and get the I&D kit...
- 5May 3, '13 by NO50FRANNYMe: "Hi there, what brings you to Emergency this evening?".
Pt: (17 yold male) "I must talk with doctor" (english is pt's second language).
Me: "What's been happening mate?".
Pt: "When I wake up, there is wet" (gesturing downstairs).
Me: "So you have passed urine in your sleep?".
Pt: "No, it is other kind of wet".
Me: (now we're getting somewhere) "Oh, ok, how often is this happening?".
Pt: "Too much, too much, at least 3 times a week".
Me: "Do you have a girlfriend?".
Me: "Do you masturbate?".
Me: "It's perfectly normal darling, I can give you some pamphlets to talk to someone in a sexual health clinic".
Pt: "No I must see a doctor tonight".
TRIAGE: "Too many wet dreams".
Last night..... "I don't like my community funded accommodation" (somehow, a tertiary hospital is responsible for this at 2230hrs) via ambulance of course- Sometimes I would prefer more ideal accommodation too buddy.... seriously.
A recent favourite from a fairly jaded RN, "Subjective Palpitations"
Frequent flier "C/O Shortness of Breath, speaking in LONG, full sentences".
"I'm seeing WAY too many vampires tonight"... Just tonight?
"Snakebite to abdomen" How the hell did that happen?
"Suicidal Ideation post being advised no beds available in rehab". A common occurrence.
The invisible spider often strikes at my facility, the invisible snake too.... weird.Last edit by NO50FRANNY on May 3, '13 : Reason: grammar
- 1May 4, '13 by IrishErinIt was psych night this evening in my ED.
Teenage girl at prom, gets wasted, doesn't win prom queen, threatens suicide and then fights with the police that try to bring her in.
Another guy came in by EMS because he "smoked pot from a new dealer" and thought that he had tentacles growing out of his arms. He called a telecare nurse and they advised him to go to a hospital. So he called 911. Lol.