Rules for the ER (long)

If you are taking pills best not to identify them by color.

If I ask your allergies and you say "Yeah, some antibiotic" we may have trouble treating your infection.

If you can't remember your pills, at least could you try to remember what you are taking them for? "The doctor gave them to me " just doesn't give me much of a clue.

Relatives who helpfully remind me that the PMD knows, so it should be in our records may be shot. The hospital records and the office records are two different things, and at 3am the PMD will be lucky to know his own name, let alone your entire med list and history.

Please don't come by ambulance with a chief c/o earwax--this is not an emergency and certainly not a reason to be brought in per ems.

Don't come in with a hangnail that you pulled off the day before demanding abx because you think it's infected. Also don't get mad when you don't get any meds for it because it's not infected. Don't argue with the medical staff, we can tell if something is infected.

Please oh please DO NOT come in for a pimple to your right nare! This is a waste of everyone's time including yours, however, thanks for the laugh.


If you're going to come in claiming you have a kidney stone stating nothing helps but dilaudid--toradol doesn't help, yet your labs are pefectly normal and you refuse a ct-scan--please don't let me see you at the gas station soon after you're discharged filling up on gas station junk food.

If you come in with a foot problem please do us all a service and clean your dirty, nasty feet first! If not you'll most likely be soaking said foot in a cold bath of betadine for awhile before I touch it.

Oh and my number #1 pet peeve---if all of your tests come back normal and you're not going to die--please don't seem so dissappointed, there is nothing wrong with you, you should be happy! Same goes for you family members who seem sad/mad that there is nothing wrong with your loved one.

If you suspect you have a STD please know there is a planned parenthood right around the corner--please don't use us for your OB/GYN. Also we do not do pap smears here.

How about candy dishes on the counter at the nurses station: one with Vicodin tabs, one with Percs, and one with work excuses?

the sponge that's used for birth control is *not* the same cello sponge you use for the dishes. that's why you can't get it out now.

yep, the idiot of the year award did this one a few years back! ... should've seen the thing when it came out!!

holy.........

Amen!!! You took the words out of my mouth!!! I wish all us ER nurses could post this in EVERY ER in the country. Also, it's SO nice to get a think it will frequent flier for pain meds. Don't think that you will get better drugs if you threaten or berate the ER physician. They don't consider that "constructive criticism"!!

Planned parenthood will even do one for FREE and you won't have to wait 6 hours and **** off the staff.
~Jen

I wondered the same thing but didn't want to be the one to say it....

OMG these are so true! I had one of those days today! Thanks for the laughs

You forget the post-it pad with the taxi cab vouchers.