Rules for the ER (long)

Call your doctor for a refill BEFORE YOU RUN OUT OF MEDICINE. If it isn't important enough for you to get refilled, don't come whining to us at two in the morning on a Saturday night.

A corollary: don't wait until 15 minutes before closing time on Friday to get your refills when you didn't keep your last two appointments.

I'd like to paint in big letters on the waiting room wall:
"A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine!"

a handful of times a crowd in a room will order out. when the pizza or chinese guy comes, we're all asking around at the desk....'who ordered the pizza?' the pizza guy comes to the desk and his little receipt will say er.

it's a riot! we start saying loudly 'oh, someone must have seen how busy we were and ordered it for us! how nice!'

then someone from a room will suddenly appear claiming it.... which we promptly inform them the pt can not eat it bc.... xyz and therefor, you can not eat in front of him either, so please eat it in the waiting room.

These are all so freaking funny! LMAO here! I worked in a pediatric ER for over 6 yrs and I had to leave eventually because it got to the point where all this stuff would happen in one shift on a regular basis!
Funny to read but not funny to go through over and over again!
My hats off to you! Stay strong.....

GOD! I wanted to say some of this stuff so bad!
One that I wanted to say every shift to at least 5 of them were

I don't give a rat's ass that you have to go to work or you have another child in daycare to pick up ! Why do you think that is my problem? And that I have to find a solution for you? Everyone here has something better to do... DEAL!
I didn't subpoena you down here! FIGURE OUT YOUR OWN DAMN LIFE!

Oh and the "what's your name?"
You think that's going to scare us? Or give you faster care? Think again Go sit your ass down!
How many times have you heard that one? or " I know so and so " He's a doctor in this hospital, or on the foundation.. or a lawyer..."
Yeah ok buddy..... that's nice.

Or people complaining they're hungry from being NPO , how much longer is it going to be?
I know it sucks, but I'm not your mother.. I don't know!
And parents that complain about us not feeding their kids pre op. Ok.. do you want your kid to have a hot dog? Or would you like us to put his leg back together as it looks like a chicken wing right now....

Don't ask me to call your boyfriend to let him know you're here and when I tell you that you will have to call him yourself, reply "But I don't know his phone number." If you don't know it how the h*** and I going to?

If your mother is a patient and we ask her a question, let her answer it.
YES

This drives me to drink. Ninety percent of the time I just repeat the question to the patient and they have (shock!) a different answer that makes a difference in treatment. When ambulances come in I keep family outside for 10 minutes so I can get the patient's story before the relatives come and "just want to make sure Gram told you..."

If you come to the ER, and get brought right back, and two nurses descend on your loved one, don't repeat "aren't you going to get her a blanket?" five times. We won't be stopping the EKG, IV, moniters etc and tucking her in gently. It may be your priority but not ours.

I can't make the doctor, Xray, or lab, hurry up. I'm completely sure of this, and making a phone call to ask them will actually slow them down.

When the doc says "the nurse will discharge you in just a few minutes" they don't take into account that we need to wait for them to dictate, write discharge orders, get the equipment or meds ready, and do a final assessment, before you can actually leave the room. They definitely can't predict that ambulance arrival in the middle of the process. Just because it takes longer than 15 minutes to get discharged doesn't mean you are being disrespected.

What has happened to you in your 18 years of life that you have been exposed to these medications? Are you a burn patient?

I also thought of some more things:

The reason you didn't get discharged with a medication is because you didn't need it...please believe if we had a prescription for STUPID, you'd have it

Don't tell me that you think you are pregnant, when you know you're pregnant because you haven't had a period for the last 3 months and have been nauseated

Do not sit up and tell me that you are dizzy and then attempt to stand up, chances are I won't catch you if you fall... I have another 20years to put on this back

No you cannot have an epidural to be straight cathed--this is exactly why 16year olds should not get pregnant

There is no reason that I should see you several times a week for the same complaint--you're here more than I am and I get paid to be here

Please keep your story straight, do not tell the triage nurse one thing, me another, and the doctor another...it ****** me off

If your mother/father has not been bathed for several days, do not expect them to get one while they are here

You don't get the word MAID out of REGISTERED NURSE! I will provide good care for you, but I will not wait on you hand and foot

If you are already on Vicodin/Lortab/Hydromorphone and that isn't controlling your pain, there's nothing else we can do for you, go to a PAIN CLINIC

You have walked past 6 signs that say there is no cell phone use allowed in here, so why are you on your phone

You also missed the no smoking signs, so why are you asking can you go smoke--the answer is NO

Ha Ha Ha, welcome to the drive-thru society. Humm, a thought. Fleeting. Drive thru doc, present the problem, give blood, sit in your car quietly, receive results, go home. Wont work, no one to whine to during the wait.

Venting is very therapeutic, this is great. Puts me in the right mood to leave for work now.