phone calls no outsider would believe - page 3

Got a call the other night, demanding to know if a man could still have an erection when he was dead, if it happened automatically. I told him that was not something I was going to answer, he... Read More

  1. by   teeituptom
    I like the one where they call and ask what is our standard for giving notes for days off from school or work. I tell them if appropiate, whatever the doctor orders for them. They say thats allright, I will try elsewhere. Comparative shopping ERs for days off excuses.
  2. by   nicuRN2007
    Quote from zudy
    One of my favorites:

    caller: I was just looking at a calender.

    me: Yes?

    caller: Well, I was looking at February.

    me:Yes?

    Caller: Well, I just saw that February only has 28 days, and I always start my period on the 30th. Am I going to have a period this month?

    And administration tells us we don't do enough patient teaching!
    :roll I wouldn't believe this if I hadn't been working in the medical field.

    I'm not in the emergancy department, and this wasn't a phone call, but it proves that people really can be that clueless. I work in neonatal intensive care, and the family of a newly admitted 25 weeker wanted to know do the nurses stay late when there's a "really sick one like this." You just want to say, yeah, we stay about 30 minutes later, then the babies are on their own for the night.
  3. by   nicuRN2007
    Quote from cotjockey
    Caller: Hi...is there any nurses there? I have a question. (Nope...no nurses here...I'm a patient and the phone woke me up, so I answered it.)

    Sure...I'm a nurse.

    Caller: Oh...I didn't know if there was someone there at night or if the patients just called someone if they needed something.

    We're here 24/7...what is your question?

    Caller: Well, you know those home pregnant tests? My friend bougt one because she got drunk and got laid and when I made a wet on that stick, the little pop up message said, "pregnant." Now does that mean my friend is gonna have a baby?

    Are you trying to find out if you are pregnant or is your friend trying to find out if she is pregnant?

    Caller: Oh...well, it's my friend...she made a wet on that stick.

    Oh, OK. Usually if the test window says pregnant, whoever used the test is pregnant. The chances of a false postive are very slim.

    Caller: So, she might not be pregnant?

    That is always possible, but unlikely. If she isn't sure, she needs to make an appointment with her doctor. Who is her doctor? (I only asked because we had one doctor who didn't want us telling his pregnant patients anything...he wanted to give any telephone advice, etc).

    Caller: I go to Dr. _____.

    But, who does your friend see?

    Caller: Oh, yeah...she sees him too.

    Well...the best advice I can give your friend is to schedule an appointment...his office opens at 8:30...do you need his phone number?

    Caller: No...I have an appointment tomorrow. I just wanted to know if she is pregnant or not.

    OK...call if you have anymore questions or concerns.

    Caller: I will...what is the phone number for the hospital?

    I had not even read this before I posted the above response. Unbelievable, huh.
  4. by   JessicRN
    A few of My favorites.
    Can my husband still take viagra if he used a nitro a couple of hours ago? ANS: NOOOOO
    I would like to make an appt to come in at 8pm????????? Ans: I don't think soooo

    My daughter came in and was seen by the doctor for an infection, I don't think he did enough for her because when I had an infection.......... Ans: maam I can't talk to you about your daughters condition she is an adult and it would be a HIPPAA violation

    My best one goes like this
    Person: my friend is in his bed and I think he took too many pills
    Nurse: is he breathing?
    Person: how the hell should I know
    Nurse: check to see if he is breathing what color is he
    Person: he is making noises so he must be breathing he is black.
    Nurse; Can you wake him and does he have a pulse.
    Person: If I could wake him I wouldn't be calling you. What is a pulse?
    nurse: Sir hang up and call 911
    Person I can't why can't you do that
    nurse: we are not allowed to and I do not have any information
    Person: I don't have time to call 911 I only had enough time to call you. If you don't call my friend is going to die.YOu want him to die? What is your name I need to know so If my friend dies I can sue you.
    Nurse: What is your address I will call the police to go there
    Person: hangup ?????
    I had the number he called from gave it to the police and they did go to the house: Turns out prank call. Two drunk teenagers alone in the house. The police were not very happy and Guess who paid us a visit until their parents came to pick them up. I personnally would have locked them up until there parents bailed them out but they had to be medically cleared.
  5. by   BSNtobe2009
    OMG, that is the WORST type of prank phone call. I can only imagine the panic that takes place when someone answers the phone and you have some drunk on the phone and you never know when someone might bolt and leave a friend to his own devices.

    I agree with you, they should be jailed. There has to be an incentive to keep people from pulling #$^&( like that.
  6. by   santhony44
    The clinic phone rang and the MA working with me answered it.
    "When you get your tubes tied, can they come untied?"
    MA: "Well, not usually. Why do you ask?"
    "Well, I've had my tubes tied and my husband and I were having sex last night and it felt like they came untied."

    The MA got through the whole conversation without cracking up.
  7. by   santhony44
    Quote from ILoveScrubs
    :roll I wouldn't believe this if I hadn't been working in the medical field.

    I'm not in the emergancy department, and this wasn't a phone call, but it proves that people really can be that clueless. I work in neonatal intensive care, and the family of a newly admitted 25 weeker wanted to know do the nurses stay late when there's a "really sick one like this." You just want to say, yeah, we stay about 30 minutes later, then the babies are on their own for the night.
    I occasionally floated into a NICU several years ago. One of their babies had a very attentive dad; he was there every day.

    Until he asked a nurse about that hormone they gave the baby to make him grow fast.

    Excuse me?

    Well, it turns out his girlfriend of about 4 months told him that the baby was his. Before it was born the doctors had given it a hormone to make it grow fast.

    The nurse got a doctor to come and talk to "dad."

    Needless to say he didn't visit the baby after that.
  8. by   swartzrn
    I have a couple. The first I have to admit is the old "how long is the wait" like many of you have said. Also, before they ask that, after you answer "Emergency Room, this is ____" they say "Is this the emergency room?" I want to scream "what do you think I just said." Then the wait time. Again, do you have to ask? If you are a true emergency changes are you will not wait to long (we hope anyway!)
    The funniest phone call I ever had was when a woman called to ask if you could get pregnant swallowing sperm. She was serious as a heart attach and I hated to laugh out loud on the phone. I politely told her that I would have to have her hold on for just a second, placed the phone on hold, composed myself and tried to make it through that phone call. I think she was honestly afraid so it truly wasn't funny I don't guess!
    Julie
    (I have gotton a kick reading all of your replies! Hilarious stuff!)
  9. by   scaredofshots
    Quote from muffie
    dog semen
    oooooohhhhh
    very very yucky


    now i know how to use smilies!
    Amen! Maybe she should have called her vet!!!
  10. by   erdaynurse
    I am sitting here with tears pouring out of my eyes from reading these! They are hilarious!! We also get "How long is the wait?" and "Can I make an appointment?" We get really annoying nurse advise calls too. Of course, when I say "Our policy prevents me from giving advice over the phone, but you are welcome to come in if you feel this is an emergency or contact your doctor in the morning", people get really mad! "What do you mean you can't tell me anything over the phone??!! What kind of nurse are you?" Well, I am just the kind of nurse that is currently taking care of a DKA patient on an insulin drip waiting on a unit bed, a vented pt waiting on a unit bed, a kidney stone patient waiting on and IV and Dilaudid, and a baby with a fever (No, we didn't give Tylenol - we wanted you to KNOW that he has a fever) that I have to give Tylenol and a Rocephin shot to.

    But my favorite are always "Can you tell me what this medicine is for"
    Me: What is the name of the medicine?"
    Them: "Well, I don't know the name, but it is a little round white pill. What is it for?"
    Me: "Are you kidding me???!!!" - usually not out loud, but sometimes it pops out (OOPS! there's that defective filter again - I hate that!!)

    Love this thread - keep them coming...
    Last edit by erdaynurse on Oct 16, '06
  11. by   rodggang
    Great posting..........

    We have lots of Nurse calls. The weirdest one I had was:

    Caller: Can you get STD's from a sheep?
    Nurse: Excuse me (OMG did I really hear this right)
    Caller: Can you get STD's from a sheep?
    Nurse: I think that you should call the local vet!

    I really wanted to ask - How many other partners has your sheep been with?

    Caller: I think I got freon in sprayed in my face.
    Nurse: How did you get freon sprayed in your face.
    Caller: I was chipping the ice off of the freezer with an ice pick.......
    Nurse: Duh....:smackingf Your welcome to come in and we will be happy to check you out.

    Of course all of these people had the "redneck" accent.

    What fun we have.
  12. by   bethin
    Quote from ILoveScrubs
    :roll I wouldn't believe this if I hadn't been working in the medical field.

    I'm not in the emergancy department, and this wasn't a phone call, but it proves that people really can be that clueless. I work in neonatal intensive care, and the family of a newly admitted 25 weeker wanted to know do the nurses stay late when there's a "really sick one like this." You just want to say, yeah, we stay about 30 minutes later, then the babies are on their own for the night.

    Reminds me of when my grandma asked me why I have to go to work on holidays and why I have to work nights. I told her that the hospital is open 24/7. She said "oh, I had no idea".
  13. by   TazziRN
    The worst phone call did not come to the ER but to the public. One night I was triaging and a young woman came in sobbing, being held up by an older male. They said they were here because someone from the coroner's office had called the girl and told her that her brother was dead. I called every EMS agency in three counties and there were no fatal accidents anytime in the previous 24 hours. PLUS: people are never notified by phone that a loved one is dead. Someone from law enforcement or the coroner's office would show up at the door. Within a week or two there was a huge article in the paper that they had arrested the jerk who was doing this to people for laughs.

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