Funniest injury you have ever seen..... - page 8

I took care of a guy once who had an injury to the third toe and complete amputation of the fourth toe. When asked how this injury occurred......"I was using my twelve gauge shot gun to kill moles in... Read More

  1. by   at your cervix
    Pregnant patient & husband having "vigorous" sex, somehow got a spontaneous labial laceration, it bled so bad she called 911, didn't tell us about the sex incident (in fact denied it for a long time) so we slammed an IV in her, stat ultrasound, prepared the OR for stat c-section expecting abruption or previa or something. Couldn't find anything on ultrasound, it was only when she went in to use the bathroom before being discharged and started screaming at the top of her lungs because the urine caused so much stinging! So we looked and found a big 'ole laceration!
    Poor girl and guy they were humiliated!
  2. by   andyman1216
    Doc Didnt Do A Pelvic First Off? Isnt That A Nice Way To See If Its Uterine Bleeding Or Trauma?
  3. by   at your cervix
    Quote from andyman1216
    Doc Didnt Do A Pelvic First Off? Isnt That A Nice Way To See If Its Uterine Bleeding Or Trauma?
    Pelvic/Vaginal exams are contraindicated in heaving bleeding of unknown origin in pregnancy unless totally necessary (ie pt feels urge to push) in this case, pt denied pain of any kind so we suspected previa, vag exam is totally contraindicated in placenta previa, better to do an ultrasound to verify placement of placenta. Also, pt was not actively bleeding on admission and fhts were reactive and reassuring on admit.
  4. by   Snowy
    Quote from LilgirlRN
    I work in triage now and had a man come in , I asked what was wrong and he told me he had the craps, then says, ma'am I lied to you just now. I really don't have the craps, I have something up my butt that shouldn't be there. I asked what it was, he says I'll show ya. Pulls out a little zip up bag and out of it gets an 8 in tall, 6 in around egg shaped paper weight. As I am taking his surgical history he tells me he has a colostomy... I knew why he had to have a colostomy but I just wanted to hear him say it. So I said, did you have colon cancer, he said no, I put too many things up in there and I couldn't make my ******* stay shut no more. EEEEEEEEK!
    LMAO!!!!!!!!! :roll Didn't he know how to use a suitcase?
  5. by   hospitalstaph
    Many years ago a nurse told me a story that I will never forget!

    While working ER one night a man was wheeled in by a friend to the desk. The man was wearing a long trench coat. When the nurse asked him what he needed he said, "Can you take this off?" He opened the trench coat to reveal a duck in his lap. Seems he found this duck attractive and was being intimate with it. :chuckle They wheeled him to surgery with the duck quacking all the way. Unfortunatly the duck did not survive.

    So just remember it's never a good idea to **** a duck!
  6. by   andyman1216
    i appreciate the follow up.

    asfrn

    Quote from at your cervix
    Pelvic/Vaginal exams are contraindicated in heaving bleeding of unknown origin in pregnancy unless totally necessary (ie pt feels urge to push) in this case, pt denied pain of any kind so we suspected previa, vag exam is totally contraindicated in placenta previa, better to do an ultrasound to verify placement of placenta. Also, pt was not actively bleeding on admission and fhts were reactive and reassuring on admit.
  7. by   paytonsnana
    While working for a family practice male DR I put a patient into a room.

    I told the DR that MS X needed a pelvic exam. The doc looked at me sort of funny and said "didn't we just do one on her?" I replied yes we did,

    However she has a salami in her vagina and cannot remove it. The doc looked at me and said "well does she want me to pull it out or eat it?" I could not go back into the room with the DR.

    By the way, he pulled it out. I don't think he liked the particular brand of salami.
  8. by   greyhair
    A few years ago I was the charge nurse on a Surgical Ward. Admitting phones and says they have an admission with a penile injury. The ER doc phones and I asked him what caused the injury. He replied "a bear did it". I didn't believe him because I knew from previous experience that his sense of humor could be a bit twisted at times. This time it was the truth.
    A 20 something fellow was hitchhiking and somehow spent the night in our local zoo. In the morning he got too close to the bear cage, inside the guardrail, with his pants down and with an erection. Exactly what happened after that I really don't know(much speculation though) but he arrived on the ward missing a slice off the head of his penis about the size of a 50 cent piece but shallow.
    Funniest thing he said was as the catheter went in, "Ow! That hurts!"
  9. by   paytonsnana
    Quote from greyhair
    A few years ago I was the charge nurse on a Surgical Ward. Admitting phones and says they have an admission with a penile injury. The ER doc phones and I asked him what caused the injury. He replied "a bear did it". I didn't believe him because I knew from previous experience that his sense of humor could be a bit twisted at times. This time it was the truth.
    A 20 something fellow was hitchhiking and somehow spent the night in our local zoo. In the morning he got too close to the bear cage, inside the guardrail, with his pants down and with an erection. Exactly what happened after that I really don't know(much speculation though) but he arrived on the ward missing a slice off the head of his penis about the size of a 50 cent piece but shallow.
    Funniest thing he said was as the catheter went in, "Ow! That hurts!"
    And they say don't do a duck. This is certainally one part of the job I love. I think this guy should get the Darwin Award. Unfortnately the award is given only after some one has died for doing something so incredibly stupid they kill themself. Take a look at the Darwin Award web site. It is always good for a laugh. It pretty well covers the good the bad and the stupid.
  10. by   mattsmom81
    Quote from Mandarella
    A guy 20years old came into the ER, he and his girlfriend were "playing" around on the couch...he rolled off and fell straight down on his "member." Apparently he was a little excited to be play fighting with his girlfriend...it worked against him, according to the attending-he "fractured" it. Poor guy.
    We get a lot of this stuff...much of it due to chemically assisted erections and rough sex. I just shake my head. Our society seems so preoccupied by bigger and better sex and look what men are doing to themselves.....
  11. by   NYCRN16
    Not too long ago I had a young guy who shot himself through his penis!! Had the gun in the front of his pants and it went off. :uhoh21:

    I dont know what the outcome was after he went to the OR.
  12. by   paytonsnana
    Quote from imagin916
    Not too long ago I had a young guy who shot himself through his penis!! Had the gun in the front of his pants and it went off. :uhoh21:

    I dont know what the outcome was after he went to the OR.
    Believe it or not about 25 years ago I was at my mom's house and her neighbor's daughter and her boyfriend had an arguement. The guy jumps in his car and speed out of the driveway like a bat out of hell. He had a gun in his pants.
    The gun went off. He got banged instead of his girlfriend. Unfortunately my 4 year old daughter saw the whole thing. Literally.The guy rolls out of the car screaming. When EMS arrived on the scene you know the first thing they did was rip out the scissors and cut off the clothes. Well there he lay right in front of God and everybody with his little ding-a-ling and at this point I do mean little.
    Our family still laughs about this litttle incident everytime we get together. The blood stains were in the road for years, until the county repaved the road. Man I miss those stains.
  13. by   purplemania
    took care of a ranch hand once who was got an eye infection after collecting a sperm specimen from a bull. Until then I had never considered this was a "manual" procedure.

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