Discharge orders you'd LIKE to write!!!

  1. Hey, this quote from MLOS was in the middle of another thread:

    <quote MLOS> "Maybe this is better suited to an ER thread, but here's a brief list of discharge instructions I would love to give some days:

    1) ATVs & ETOH are bad.
    2) Stop drinking a fifth of liquor each day - it's bad for you.
    3) If you insist on OD-ing on your Klonopin, just take them all, DO NOT crush them & shoot them up w/your heroin.
    4) If you go looking for a fight in a bar, you WILL find one.

    :smackingf I could go on and on ..."<end quote>

    I think this is a great idea for a thread! I'd love to hear the responses from our ER nurses!!!
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  2. 112 Comments

  3. by   nurse4theplanet
    It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye!
    Here are mine (and I am not a nurse yet)

    1- dont put foreign objects in orfices that are meant to be exit only because they will get stuck
    2- if you take this med with your usual fifth of vodka then you WILL pass out
    3- Next time, call an electrician
    4- Don't scratch it, it may fall off
    5- wear a condomn next time
    6- you are not allowed to eat anything other than lettuce because your heart is ready to explode
    7- superglue is for external use only, read the label

    oh yeah...one more.
    Your physician will send you a bill....
    just send me the check!
  4. by   Aneroo
    Quote from asoldierswife05
    It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye!
    Then it's just hilarous!!!

    had a guy who had swallowed a large piece of meat that became lodged in his esophagus, needed an endoscopy to get it down. D/c instructions included "Chew Food":chuckle

    I could think of some very not nice ones. Sometimes I just can't help but believe in Darwinism. :stone
  5. by   grammyr
    Have an old school ED doc who will write DC instructions like:

    Get a job.
    Have your relative get a job and move out.
    Put your children to bed at 9pm EVERY night.
    Watch your children more closely
  6. by   traumaRUs
    I work with a great (and hilarious) doc in my ER who always writes:

    1. Quit drinking.
    2. Quit smoking.
    3. Quit doing drugs.
    4. Get a job.
  7. by   ERNurse752
    Hehe...this is a good one.

    1. Go home
    2. Stay home
    3. No, really...stay home

  8. by   Altra
    Quote from asoldierswife05

    5- wear a condomn next time
    This one especially, along with "Stop Drinking", covers a multitude of conditions ...
  9. by   ToryAdore
    Or these:

    1. When you start eating first thing in the morning and do not stop until you go to sleep, it's NOT considered one meal a day. Eat sensibly.
    2. Doors are to be pushed open with hand not kicked with bare foot.
    3. Never sit on a chair until all broken glass shards have been picked up.
    4. Bring toilet paper on camping trips. Some funny looking leaves nearby can be poisonous (ouch).
  10. by   scrmblr
    Bathe.

    Bathe often using soap.

    Bathe your children.
  11. by   carachel2
    Quote from grammyr
    Have an old school ED doc who will write DC instructions like:

    Get a job.
    Have your relative get a job and move out.
    Put your children to bed at 9pm EVERY night.
    Watch your children more closely

    That is hilarious...wish our docs had a sense of humor like that.
  12. by   VeryPlainJane
    Just b/c it can fit in there, don't stick it in there!
  13. by   unknown99
    Sometimes I would LOVE to give this d/c instruction....
    Go to He**, Go Straight to He**, Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
  14. by   Still Riding
    Drinking and guns don't mix, even if it is tradition to hunt and drink with the boys.

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