Discharge orders you'd LIKE to write!!! - page 8

Hey, this quote from MLOS was in the middle of another thread: <quote MLOS> "Maybe this is better suited to an ER thread, but here's a brief list of discharge instructions I would love to give... Read More

  1. by   NurseJacqui
    Oh please...there will always be plenty of legitamitely sick people to keep us in business. People are living to be 90-100 nowadays. Our jobs aren't going anywhere. When the morons tie up the ER with their BS, it prevents us from spending the time we need with the truly ill or injured, who of course never complain.
  2. by   teeituptom
    Quote from TerraRN
    I work with an ER doc who firmly believes that everyone over 70 should be required to wear a helmet.

    I wonder how he will feel about that as he gets older
  3. by   ark-two
    A discharge order I'd like to write: Chest pain does not mean that we will push 10 mg of MS q 5 min because you request it.
    The ER doc cannot refill your prescription of Darvocet, but he can admit you with a no narcotics order.
    Small animals are pets and not sex toys.
    Dropping your father (who's had a major stroke and cannot speak) off to the ER does not mean we cannot track you down (the family drops him off and leaves him when they want to go out of town.)
    This is not Hotel 8 we cannot guarantee that we will keep your mom for 10 days so you and your girlfriend can go on vacation.
  4. by   blynn
    OMG! Would someone who did something like that be facing abandonment charges?

    Dropping your father (who's had a major stroke and cannot speak) off to the ER does not mean we cannot track you down (the family drops him off and leaves him when they want to go out of town.)
    This is not Hotel 8 we cannot guarantee that we will keep your mom for 10 days so you and your girlfriend can go on vacation.
  5. by   babynurselsa
    Use only sex toys with a cord. Once you pass the anal sphincter ring there ain't no coming back unless you got a tether.
    (Actually gave this recommendation last night to a patient) He appreciated it.
  6. by   m_blume_rn
    If you can afford cigarettes/alcohol, you can afford tylenol for your child


    Here's a good one... Had a mom the other night who brought her 2 yo in with a 105 degree fever. She would leave the kid and go out and smoke every 30 minutes. I went to DC the child, and was asked where the free tylenol samples were, she only got one check a month and couldn't afford it. Well, this time I couldn't keep it in, and said, "if you can afford those cigarettes in your back pocket, you can afford tylenol!" She called my Director 3 times complaining, and also asked when I worked next so she could "meet me in the parking lot". And the killer part is that I got written up, go figure. Guess the part on being a pt advocate doesn't count if it offends anyone...the truth hurts.
  7. by   teeituptom
    Quote from m_blume_rn
    If you can afford cigarettes/alcohol, you can afford tylenol for your child


    Here's a good one... Had a mom the other night who brought her 2 yo in with a 105 degree fever. She would leave the kid and go out and smoke every 30 minutes. I went to DC the child, and was asked where the free tylenol samples were, she only got one check a month and couldn't afford it. Well, this time I couldn't keep it in, and said, "if you can afford those cigarettes in your back pocket, you can afford tylenol!" She called my Director 3 times complaining, and also asked when I worked next so she could "meet me in the parking lot". And the killer part is that I got written up, go figure. Guess the part on being a pt advocate doesn't count if it offends anyone...the truth hurts.

    Patient Advocacy is always trumped by Political Correctness

    Sad but True

    We always get in a mess

    This makes us Blue
  8. by   Suninmyheart
    Quote from imagin916
    Wait until you become a nurse, you will feel differently. Sometimes we need humor to get through the day and this is just an expression of that. It does not mean that we do not take care of our patients. BTW, when you graduate if you come to work with this kind of holier-than-thou attitude, you will not be very well liked by your coworkers.
    oooh la la - what about my post did you perceive as holier than thou? And what is it about my feeling compassionate and failing to see humor in some of the posts that is ruffling your feathers?
  9. by   blynn
    Hey, if she's insinuating that she's going to beat you up in a parking lot, can't you slap a restraining order on her? Or does HR frown on that sort of thing? Does anyone know how that type of scenario would typically play out?
  10. by   rgroyer1RNBSN
    :spin: Have a Doc who likes to write:

    A.) Stop coming in to the ER for your stupid $hit

    B.) You dont need to take ems at 0200 am for a sore throat to the nearest trauma center, youll live.

    C.) When you play with small animals there probabley going to bite


    These are D/C orders id like to write:

    A.) Dont take ems for "Just a ride" and then sign out ama so you can go to the store down the street or movie theatre.

    B.) Dont leave the waiting/triage area to go across the street to the conveniance store to call ems to get back faster it wont work theyll just drop you back off at my front door by my triage area.

    C.) The next time you call ems @ 0200 am for a sore throat were going to put a foley catheter or straight catheter in you to check and make sure its not a uti. It might just get you to go to the urgent care on your own next time.

    D.) Little Darlene doesnt need sutures for the puncture wound thats not deep go buy band-aids.:angryfire
  11. by   DutchgirlRN
    Quote from TerraRN
    I work with an ER doc who firmly believes that everyone over 70 should be required to wear a helmet.
    Doing home heath and driving on the interstates I am beginning to understand that thought process. I actually thought of it yesterday, thought hum...that's not really such a bad idea.
  12. by   DutchgirlRN
    Quote from TerraRN
    I work with an ER doc who firmly believes that everyone over 70 should be required to wear a helmet.
    Doing home heath and driving on the interstates I am beginning to understand that thought process. I actually thought of it yesterday, thought hum...that's not really such a bad idea.

    The one DC order I'd like to see is. "If ever sick again, go to a different hospital." or "If ever sick again, switch HH agencies."
  13. by   andhow5
    I like the one about taking a bath every day, using soap on every part of the body...

    I'd like to add:

    1. Brush and floss your teeth. Repeat every day.

    2. If you called EMS at 0245 to bring you in for pink eye, it is not our responsibility to "give you" a ride home. You have 2 perfectly good getaway sticks called legs. Use them. Go straight home. We will NOT give you a cab voucher. EVER.

    3. For the S/P "Assault" - stay away from the "2 dudes" that beat you down. If you can't avoid them, keep your mouth shut.

    4. Next time you come in at least TRY to make up an entertaining story for the ED staff, or at least one that is somewhat consistent with the injuries.

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