Discharge orders you'd LIKE to write!!! - page 6

Hey, this quote from MLOS was in the middle of another thread: <quote MLOS> "Maybe this is better suited to an ER thread, but here's a brief list of discharge instructions I would love to give... Read More

  1. by   JRapha'sRN
    Had a doc give me this verbal order yesterday...

    Call the Wizard of Oz and order a brain for that patient!
  2. by   Jessy_RN
    Quote from Marie_LPN
    "Bathe whole body qd with soap and water." Soap bar provided.

    I've seen it written before, which is probably why i'm laughing as i write this.
  3. by   erjulie
    dc orders I've been tempted to write:

    1. Always be looking over your shoulder. After verbally abusing me and my co-workers for the last (fill-in-the-blank) hours, and suggesting what we may do to enhance your sexual pleasure, you can be assured that I will get you, some day, somewhere, and in some very nasty way.
  4. by   PedsER-RN
    1. consider iq testing before you decide to reproduce. it's not fair to kids to have stupid parents.
    2. keep your toddler away from your horses' back hooves.
    3. cough x 3 (yes, the child coughed three times ) is not an emergency!!!
    4. get a job.
    5. take a bath.
    6. ambulances are not intended for c/o fever (can you believe people do this??? then they act dumbfounded when we try to explain what is not only an emergency, but one that requires an ambulance!). :deadhorse
    7. if your child has been bitten by a dog, logic would tell you to keep them apart, rather than letting your kid stick its' face to the dog's mouth again. hmm, wonder what happened?
    8. telling us you fell on a cucumber while making a salad doesn't convince us your foreign body is accidental!!!
    9. it's called an emergency center, not a clinic.
    10. there are these things called over the counter medications. you should try them!



  5. by   vampiregirl
    You know though, all the individuals that the previous posts are directed toward serve as great job security for ER and EMS personnel.
  6. by   DADENTY
    Quote from Aneroo
    Then it's just hilarous!!!

    had a guy who had swallowed a large piece of meat that became lodged in his esophagus, needed an endoscopy to get it down. D/c instructions included "Chew Food":chuckle

    I could think of some very not nice ones. Sometimes I just can't help but believe in Darwinism. :stone
    1. Do not let your 14 year old self medicate with Tylenol for a "fever" until she ends up in hosp. on mucomyst protocol. :angryfire

    2. Temp of 37.2 is not sepsis

    3. Alcohol causes your pancreatitis- STOP drinking.

    4. You can not live here, If you had to pay for it you would go home.
  7. by   dcastlewood
    Quote from emtrachel
    You know though, all the individuals that the previous posts are directed toward serve as great job security for ER and EMS personnel.
    Absolutely right!!!
  8. by   Uptoherern
    Next time you get drunk (which will be as soon as you leave the er), please sleep somewhere hidden from public view. 7 visits to the er in 3 days is a bit too much.

    (our frequent flyer homeless, smelly men!)
  9. by   Jo Dirt
    Quote from Aneroo
    Then it's just hilarous!!!


    I could think of some very not nice ones. Sometimes I just can't help but believe in Darwinism. :stone
    Yea, only I think it's the other way around...people didn't evolve from monkeys, monkeys evolved from people.
  10. by   jillrn1966
    Yes you can live without him! throwing your self into the back of his truck will not make him stay!
    PLEASE for the love of god get your tubes tied!
    you are 3 months pregnant, nausea and vomiting can happen it is normal, vomiting only once first thing in the morning does not mean you are dehydrated
    stupid is as stupid does, think before you say..hey ya all...watch this!
    you are 50 learing to skateboard drunk IS NOT a good idea at your age
    GET OUT OF MY ER AND GET A LIFE!
  11. by   oldnurse13
    This one is true! Had female with cucumber stuck in her vagina. Discharge instructions included "vinegar and oil douche every day for one week.":roll
  12. by   ToryAdore
    Quote from oldnurse13
    This one is true! Had female with cucumber stuck in her vagina. Discharge instructions included "vinegar and oil douche every day for one week.":roll
    Balsamic vinegar...?:roll
  13. by   Lurksalot
    Quote from traumaRUs
    I work with a great (and hilarious) doc in my ER who always writes:

    1. Quit drinking.
    2. Quit smoking.
    3. Quit doing drugs.
    4. Get a job.
    OMG, too funny!:roll That sure sums it up!

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