I am beginning to think I went in to the wrong profession.
I have wanted to be a nurse since I was knee-high. And I'm a fairly new one, only for a couple of years. But I feel like I have lost my compassion. I've seen the same people with the same complaints over and over so many times that now I hardly believe anything I'm told.
I hate that I look forward to the "bad" patients just so I may be able to use nursing skills other than IM injections of Demerol/Phenergan. I hate that I am so quick to dismiss someone c/o of pain as "drug seeking behavior." I hate that I am so quick to get angry with parents not giving Tylenol. Isn't part of my job to educate? Basically, I do not like what the ER has made me. Don't get me wrong, when I started, right out of nursing school
, I loved the ER. And when I think about where else I would like to work, I don't want ICU, m/s, pcu, ob, or anywhere else. I do have nights where I go home and know that I was part of a team that saved a life. And that is what keeps me coming back for more. Adrenaline junkie I guess!
So here's my question. Does this mean that nursing isn't for me? I went in to nursing thinking I was gonna change the world, (naive I know, but one's gotta dream). And I LOVE the feeling after resuscitating somebody, or even taking care of an sweet elderly pt for an entire shift until we have a room to admit them to. It's just nice to feel like you made somewhat of a difference or just to be appreciated every now and then. I knew in school that nursing was a thankless job, but I NEVER knew it to be this bad. I thought this is what God called me to do, but maybe I was wrong.
Please don't think I'm am some mean person. I have (or did have) one of the biggest hearts of anybody. I cry over anything. I like that about myself, and don't want it to change. Is this just something that goes along with the job? Any advice on how to change it? Does it get better as the years go on? Is this just the "honeymoon is over phase" they teach in school? Thanks for listening.