Best ER Nurse quotes

If you call your niece, who "after all, IS an MA" to come "help" me put in this IV, I WILL have her escorted out by security AND report her. You will also be reported for endangering your mother...

Charge nurse assigning patients: "Do you want the smurf, or too drunk to live?"

Charge nurse while triaging an indigent pt requesting a bed.

CN: "Sit over there and we'll get you a food tray."

IP: "I just want to die."

CN: "Don't you want to have a food tray before you die?"

Whan I was triaging a patient for some minor complaint and was filling out the medication list, he listed off about 15 meds and I asked if there was anything else. To which he replied, "Oh yeah, I take something for my memory, but I can't remember the name of it". Classic.

Last time I floated to ER, I worked with a hilarious but very burned out nurse.

"You have to stop being so nice to them. It just makes them come back next time."

Actually from a doctor... "This patient's stupidity is incompatible with life."

Nurse: "Can your boyfriend come in?" Patient: "Well who the **** is he".. after which we had to check to friend's name... i guess she had a few boyfriends

Nurse: "We are going to put a catheter in and you are going to feel some pressure" Patient: "Does it feel like a penis?"

... both the same patient

To a drunk patient who fell and had a head lac:

"This is your tetanus shot."

"I don't want a shot!"

"Well it prevents lockjaw.. so you can keep drinkin'!"

"Oh, okay."

. How do you respond to a question like that while keeping a straight face?

You just do but once they are gone you lose it.

I still think one of our Doc's favorite diagnosis could be given a code and become an accepted diagnosis
T o Stupid To Live
TSTL Yep that sums it up.