add your funny TRIAGE complaints from pts - page 9

Hey all new to the board, thought we could share some strang encounters in triage...... ...as the 24yr male entered triage I asked what's wrong today? He replies my "ovories" hurt...... there... Read More

  1. by   mind_numbed
    Pt was elderly male.
    Chief complaint: "Wife got to frisky, and hurt me."
    Baseball bat through the anus to the descending colon and it was stuck. (souvenir bat mind you)
    We were all shocked to see him walk into the ER.
    I know it is not really funny, but you didnt see the X ray.
  2. by   aidan13
    So this 38 yr old woman comes in because she said she accidentally defecated on the floor thinking she was just going to make a fart. For some reason that scared her. Still, the doctor asked for an EKG.
  3. by   Pepperlady
    Fellow decided to do a "JackA**" move (from the movie), filled his mouth with gasoline and lights it on fire as he spits it out..... yeah, we treated his burns.

    Thats why the movie came with a disclaimee "do not try this at home"
  4. by   ScrappyEDRN
    Gotta LOVE triage (otherwise I'd be gray already or have strangled someone)!
    My favorites:

    * 20 something male pt: "I gotta get these wires out of my jaw, they're killing me"
    Me: When did you have them put in?
    Pt: "I don't remember, last December maybe?" It is now August.
    Me: trying to restrain myself "And when exactly were you supposed to get them out?"
    Pt: "I think they said in January, but I just can't wait anymore--it's hurtin' like hell!"
    Me: because I had to ask: "Just out of curiosity, why didn't you have them out in January?"
    Pt: "Well, you know how doctors are--I couldn't get in with one--look do you think they can take them out right now?"
    Me to self--"probably not you idiot, as your skin has now grown all around the wires and the wires seem to be permanently implanted in your face!"
    Me to pt: "I don't know honey, you'll have to talk to the doctors."

    *40'ish Female pt: "I am hemorrhaging!"
    Me: "From where?" looking around for signs of blood
    Pt: "You know where"
    Me: pause for long mental sigh, then nicely: "Actually, I don't, can you tell me?"
    Pt: "From my virginal area"
    I go into the standard questions of how much, for how long etc. any abdominal pain.
    Pt: "You know I'm having an obliteration next week"
    Me: blink, "I'm sorry, a what?"
    Pt: "You know, where they go in and burn out my insides so I'll stop bleeding."
    Me: lightbulb goes off -- uterine ablation "OOH, so your GYN is aware of the problem"
    Pt: "Yes"
    Me: "So what can we do for you tonight?"
    Pt: "Make it quit--my doctor doesn't believe me."
    Me: "What doesn't he/she believe exactly?"
    Pt: "That I'm bleeding, but I really am, wait a second...
    and she proceeds to drop her pants and show me the pea sized smidge of blood on her pad.
    Me: blink, blink, wow, TMI, "Mam, that's o.k., I believe you-- let's get you to a room" while typing away furiously in an effort to finish this one!!!

    same day: (I have named that infamous day the Vaginal Crazies Day in my memory)

    * 40'ish female pt: "The phone nurse told me to come in"
    Me: "O.k. what's going on?"
    Pt: "I have heavy discharge from down there"
    Me: "Can you describe it"
    Pt: "Sure, but it'd be easier to show you" and begins opening a grocery store bag with a sample in it.
    Me: to self: Holy Cow, I have to be on candid camera or something.
    Pt: "The phone nurse told me to bring a sample"
    Me: to self: Wait till I find out who that nurse is@!@!
  5. by   ThrowEdNurse
    Husband and wife come in. Wife (the pt) sits in the triage chair:

    RN: What's going on with you today.
    Wife won't look at nurse and purses lips.
    Husband: Well, I'll tell you. She just don't taste right down there no more!

    (please pronounce more to rhyme with no)
  6. by   Pepperlady
    Not a complaint, but tonight I asked a lady to remove her jacket so I could do her blood pressure ... its cold here and she had on a big puffy jacket.

    So she did ....

    But she was naked underneath it ....

    So why in Gods name would you not mention that?? She just pulled off her coat, sat there completely naked and offered me her arm.

    Triage is open to the waiting room. It was strange.
  7. by   10MG-IV
    [quote=ThrowEdNurse;3362199]Husband and wife come in. Wife (the pt) sits in the triage chair:

    RN: What's going on with you today.
    Wife won't look at nurse and purses lips.
    Husband: Well, I'll tell you. She just don't taste right down there no more!

    (please pronounce more to rhyme with no)

    Sounds like Triage complaints
    NOLA style, ain't dere 'no 'mo CHNO ( those from there will get it)
    Ain't tasty 'no 'mo!:chuckle
  8. by   10MG-IV
    Quote from bigjim
    Cute, but it's a verbatim cut and paste of a chain email/Snopes.com


    http://www.snopes.com/racial/language/le-a.asp
    regarding the Le-a name.
    my best friend a teacher in Louisiana has a Le-a in her class.
    and if you look on the strange name blog Le-a sightings are posted.
  9. by   hereigoagain
    Quote from qcumba
    One very common complaint we have is when parents bring in thier infants and when asked what thier complaint is they reply - Crying! yes unfortunately thats what babies do - and usually said child is in the parents arms grinning from ear to ear
    HAHAHAHAHAHA...:chuckle:chuckle:chuckle
  10. by   ThrowEdNurse
    [quote=10MG-IV;3500093]
    Quote from ThrowEdNurse
    Husband and wife come in. Wife (the pt) sits in the triage chair:

    RN: What's going on with you today.
    Wife won't look at nurse and purses lips.
    Husband: Well, I'll tell you. She just don't taste right down there no more!

    (please pronounce more to rhyme with no)

    Sounds like Triage complaints
    NOLA style, ain't dere 'no 'mo CHNO ( those from there will get it)
    Ain't tasty 'no 'mo!:chuckle

    I totally get it from almost a CHBR
  11. by   RN_in_SC
    "balls itch"
  12. by   ThrowEdNurse
    "I was playing b ball yesterday and now my legs are sore!"
  13. by   libbyjeanne
    RN: So what brought you into the ER today?

    PT: My penis burns like the dickens.

    RN: Okay...Do you have discharge? Does it hurt when you urinate?

    PT: Oh no, no, no. i found out this morning that my girlfriend has crabs...

    RN: So you think you have crabs?

    PT: Well, no, not anymore anyways. I got rid of them.

    RN: How did you get rid of them? Did you get a prescription?

    PT: Nope. "I shaved my goods and then sprayed a half a can of Raid on them. I'm pretty sure the crabs are dead, but it burns like he**".

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