24 Things ER Nurses Know All Too Well

I'm new, but...

If this is your 69th visit this year, and you have told the MD *and* me *and* the unit secretary that ONLY 4mg of Dilaudid will alleviate your pain, you're hungry and you want a tray (even though you have "10/10"
abdominal pain)

AND

there is a pediatric code in the next room

Then yes, I am going to IGNORE your call light. And I'm not going to feel any guilt.

-Don't physically and verbally assault the nurses and techs unless you enjoy those lovely four point restraints.

-#. Don't tell us that you felll on that *various item* that is stuck in your rectum while vacuuming, wrestling, sweeping, etc....we know how it *really* got there.

But then again, there was that one patient I cared for that DID get impaled on a limb through his rectum, and his leg, and his jeans, and etc....

-You have been given the same referral every time you came to our ED. So why have you come back a 5th time?

Yes, you may stand here at the nurses station and use the phone to call a ride home, because we are not going to hire a taxi for you. BUT no you may not dial 911 to give you that ride home...yes, I know that they drove you an hour to our hospital for your non-emergency b/c you did want to go to the hospital in your hometown. Next time please think about this BEFORE you get here...yeah right!

-When the drug seeker asks how much Dilaudid they'll receive, make sure you trick them with math: "No, the Dr. didn't order 2 mg of Dilaudid for you; instead, he thinks you should have 1000 mcg."

-When you're a frequent flyer, don't ask me where the bathroom is or the directions to the exit. You've been to this facility more than I have!

Not to be a smart one here, but wouldn't 2mg = 2000mcg instead of 1000mcg?

That's just it. Someone expecting 2mg would be disappointed with a dose of 1mg. However 1000mcg sounds like a higher dose than the ordered 1mg.

If...you were able to take yourself to the bathroom before you drove yourself here, and it turns out nothing is injured, just sore,

THEN...you do not need help to the bathroom here, nor do you need a bedpan or a bedside commode,

AND...YES...once discharged we do expect you to get up and walk out.