Handling the "R" word

Specialties Disabilities

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How assertive are you all about approaching people who use the "r" word? I have a co-worker who is aggressive about it to the point where she nearly got into a fight with a young woman at Target who was going through the housewares aisles calling just about everything other item retarded. I don't bother with those people, because face it, they're clueless and they're going to stay clueless. Years ago, I became incensed with my own husband for using the term retard (our son has autism and learning difficulties, although we have been told repeatedly over the years that the IQ tests that qualify him for an intellectual disability diagnosis can't really be relied on because of some of the issues the autism creates around testing. I suspect this is the case with many of our kids who qualify for the intellectual disability diagnosis- I have met so many people with autism performing above what would be expected relative to their measured IQ). Those reactions- not bothering with the stranger at Target and being appalled by my husband's remarks are probably pretty common. (Oh, and I just want to clarify that my husband didn't call our son a retard. Reading that sentence back, I thought maybe that could be unclear).

I wonder, too, if others find themselves thinking less of people due to their indiscriminate use of the "r" word. I don't hesitate to speak up if I think the person who uses the term should know better. That includes nurses and other healthcare professionals and anyone who is employed in the education system. I don't care if you're the janitor, you should refer to the students with respectful language and the building principal should include that in all first day on the job behavior expectation talks. What I'll do most often, though, is just repeat what the other person has said, replacing the offensive word with something more respectful. How do you all handle it?

Specializes in med surg.

This is upsetting to me because my adult child who has CP and learning disabilities has dealt with this her entire life. Graduated from the university with a degree in math but has not been able to find a job. We believed that when she became an adult the world would be kinder but have found it is just as cruel sometimes as it was as a child.

I have an awful feeling that the 'r'-word---meaning stupid or idiotic---has come back into use because a lot of us Baby Boomers used the term out of habit back in the '60s and '70s. I remember being shocked to hear MY kids throwing that word around the neighborhood some 20-odd years later. We never meant anything really insulting by it; whenever kids made fun of a "developmentally delayed" person, they usually called him/her an "M.R." instead of "retard" or "retarded".

None of that was OK. But now the current generations seem to have made further refinements to the 'r'-word ("libtard" and "f-tard" come to mind), and IMHO those are more insulting than the academic use of 'mentally retarded' as a descriptor in the case of a person of low intellect. But then, I guess I'm a product of my time, and some of the terms we used back in the day don't sound as harsh to my ears as they might to later generations.

Of course, the same can also be said of the generation before mine, to whom the 'n'-word, along with "guinea", "kraut" and other ethnically-related terms, were "just words". Nobody wants to hear those anymore. And while I think political correctness has indeed run completely amok, everyone should use some sensitivity to the way certain terms affect those at whom they are directed. Which is one of the many reasons why I don't use the 'r-word anymore.:saint:

I am a baby boomer and did not call anyone a retard when growing up. It just wasn't a word in my vocabulary I used nor anyone in my family used. One of my aunts' has Down Syndrome and growing up there were people in the community, the same people today (yes, some are nurses) who would say "there goes so and so and their retard aunt". I firmly believe it is one's upbringing to speak so callously.

This is upsetting to me because my adult child who has CP and learning disabilities has dealt with this her entire life. Graduated from the university with a degree in math but has not been able to find a job. We believed that when she became an adult the world would be kinder but have found it is just as cruel sometimes as it was as a child.

Hello. Congrats to your child for getting a degree! Are you familiar with DDA or ARC? Some of my former clients when I worked for a company providing Medicaid case management had developmental disabilities and I had them complete a DDA application and connected them with ARC. ARC is a wonderful organization that can assist the person to obtain job skills and/or in your child’s case secure a job in an area where they are trained and have applicable job skills. As you know, it is a rotten economy right now, has she looked on usajobs for federal positions? Best of luck to you and your daughter!

My issue is not with people who use the word to describe a person with mental retardation. My issue is when people use the word to mean "stupid" or as an insult. I for the life of me cannot get used to saying intellectually disabled. I have 2 children with autism and have many friends with children with differing levels of developmental disabilities. I don't mean it insultingly, but simply as a definition.

I have no qualms about correcting anyone who uses the word "retarded" or "retard" in an inappropriate manner.

Totally agree. I emailed the below you tube video (Not acceptable R-word PSA) a couple years ago to a couple case managers who say this word all the time to describe some of their patient's caregivers. I just got sick of listening to them speak like this, so I emailed to them.

What word/words describe accurately?? Is it because we know medical terminology as well as "common" terminology? For instance if I said, "he had a left sided stroke" versus "his speech is impaired" which would indicate to you the more profound picture of the pt? It is what we say, how we say it, and who receives the message that makes or breaks our communication. Bring into that mix a cultural divide then we have added a whole new ingredient. I think there is a generational difference as well. What "gay" meant in my mother's day is very different from what "gay" meant in my youth and it is still different in my children's time. What words may have offended in previous generations are more acceptable now. Very interesting. Is it being politically correct or just society evolving into another dimension of language??

this is an aberration of political correctness. "retarded", literally means stunted in growth or development. it applies perfectly to 95% of political actions and better than 80% of, "as seen on tv...!", products.:)

it developed a negative social connotation when it became synonymous with "stupid".

from webster, online:

words have concrete meanings. when we (try to)change them to suit social or political desires, we deconstruct our language, and "retard" our society.

i, personally, am retarding. i retard ignorance, constrain it with definition, and crush it with will, wit and the light of truth!:smokin:

it is so easy to be offended, and so difficult to educate with grace.

This guy gets it.

That said, what I find effective is to ask the individual how they would feel if I addressed something in a derogatory manner according to their ethnic/gender makeup. The campaign against the "R" word (Google it) handled this with aplomb.

In the same vein, I do not have an issue with people using descriptive language when talking about my daughter (who has autism/is autistic). It is a defining characteristic for her, same as being a brunette (sure, she can have brown hair too) IMO. Outside of being a human female, it unfortunately is her most identifiable characteristic, impacting her life in most every way. Sucks, but that's the truth.

What I get a kick out of is what someone early in the thread said; those that hem and haw the most about it are those who are part of the proverbial choir. They are also the same individuals who self-identify to the point of proclamation/pride. Rather ironic.

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