Things we think that we do not say... humorous... - page 4

by Baubo516

Just for fun, I am wondering if you would like to share some thoughts you have had during patient care that you did not speak out loud for whatever reason. My hubby does not enjoy my work stories, and I feel the need to share! ... Read More


  1. 0
    Quote from ixchel
    I'm in CNA class now and I think my instructor doesn't know how to not say these sorts of things. There is a girl in my class who is easily 300 lbs. We are in the process of learning to take vitals and the instructor always talks about how this girl is going to be difficult because she is so "chunky". The girl doesn't find any humor in it at all, and the instructor doesn't act like she's trying to be funny about it.
    Sounds just like my instructor.
  2. 0
    Yes, I know you're having a lot of pain with movement, but I really think we'd better get you up to the bedside commode to go potty, because if I put you on one of our plastic bedpans, that thing's just gonna flatten like a penny on a railroad track. And then we'll be doing a full bed change and partial bed bath. Which is going to involve you rolling around a ton. So let's skip all that and haul you up out of that bed, ok?
  3. 0
    "Dooo your balls hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie 'em in a knot, can you tie 'em in a bow..."

    yousoldtheworld - That is freakin' hilarious! I could hear the song in my head as I read it....
  4. 1
    To the patients who complain or are totally uncooperative when being woken up for vitals in the middle of the night. Im sorry, but apparently you got lost on the way to the Holiday inn and somehow wound up in a HOSPITAL.

    These are often the same patients who will lay on the call light all evening before they finally fall asleep and decide they dont want to be bothered for ANY reason(unless they hit their call light, in which case they expect you there in seconds).
    whatdidigetmyselfin2 likes this.
  5. 1
    Quote from RNsRWe
    "Do you honestly think I could POSSIBLY be stupid enough to believe the stupid explanation you just gave me for how that thing got there?"

    ...and along the same 'the nurse must be stupid' think:

    "Do you honestly think I could POSSIBLY be stupid enough to believe that your doctor told you the best way to take your Vicodin ES was to crush them into a powder and snort it up your nose?" (this, btw, from a patient who refused to take the pills I had brought because I should grind them up for him first---um, NO, and he could either SWALLOW them in front of me or I was leaving WITH them...idiot).
    Omg. He may as well have tattooed the words; "Drug Seeking Behavior; Example 101" on forehead before enter the premises. Lol!

    Ahem, as to the thread subject:

    One sweet little lady; 90+ diabetic, on oxygen, partial assist with dressing, walking, incontinent, living in the AFH I work at currently said to me the other night; "I really want to rent myself a nice little apartment and open up a daycare center and take care of babies!" I thought to myself; "Yeah, you can bond over being in diapers at the same time!" (among other, some nicer and some not, thoughts went through my mind at the time!) Bless her heart, though, even at 90 years old a person's gotta have dreams!
    DeLanaHarvickWannabe likes this.
  6. 3
    "Sit the #### down!" when an alarm is going off for the 80th time.

    "Get your flippin' hands out of your crotch!"

    "OMG, it's food. Stop playing with it, stop talking to it, stop just sitting there staring at it like it's going to jump into your mouth by itself. JUST EAT IT."

    "Haha, that's what you get!" when someone tries to hit me and ends up whacking their hand on the side rail or something.

    "STOPPPPP WHININGGGGGG"
  7. 2
    Dear Lady will you PUUH-LEEEASE just swallow that mouthful of food you've been chewing for the last 5 full minutes so when I assist you with another spoonful it won't just slip-slide out your mouth and onto your lap again.

    To the people I work with I'd LOOOOVE to say:

    NO! A THOUSAND TIMES NO!! No, fellow CNA co-worker, I don't want to give up my day off to take your stinkin' shift!!!

    NO!! Ms. New Administrator Lady -- I don't think you should get rid of the Special Care Unit for the dementia residents and turn it into a Medicare/Medicaid facility for the poorest residents because you're tired of the high cost of adequate staffing for an Alzheimer's Unit!!! That idea is just asinine!!!!!

    NO!! I DO NOT want to sign that report admitting what a totally incompetent useless piece-a-crap I am for calling out of a shift because I have bronchitis and I'm coughing all over the freakin' place. Just shove that report where the sun don't shine!!!!

    Oh, and one more thing: WILL YOU PLEASE JUST FIRE ME!!! PLEASE!!! I'M BEGGING YOU!!! I WANT OUT OF HERE!!!!!!
    IEDave and whatdidigetmyselfin2 like this.
  8. 0
    Quote from Baubo516
    "Dooo your balls hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie 'em in a knot, can you tie 'em in a bow..."

    yousoldtheworld - That is freakin' hilarious! I could hear the song in my head as I read it....
    I'll be singing that one when I change the diaper on a resident who has ginormous testicles
  9. 2
    Quote from interceptinglight
    Dear Lady will you PUUH-LEEEASE just swallow that mouthful of food you've been chewing for the last 5 full minutes so when I assist you with another spoonful it won't just slip-slide out your mouth and onto your lap again.

    To the people I work with I'd LOOOOVE to say:

    NO! A THOUSAND TIMES NO!! No, fellow CNA co-worker, I don't want to give up my day off to take your stinkin' shift!!!

    NO!! Ms. New Administrator Lady -- I don't think you should get rid of the Special Care Unit for the dementia residents and turn it into a Medicare/Medicaid facility for the poorest residents because you're tired of the high cost of adequate staffing for an Alzheimer's Unit!!! That idea is just asinine!!!!!

    NO!! I DO NOT want to sign that report admitting what a totally incompetent useless piece-a-crap I am for calling out of a shift because I have bronchitis and I'm coughing all over the freakin' place. Just shove that report where the sun don't shine!!!!

    Oh, and one more thing: WILL YOU PLEASE JUST FIRE ME!!! PLEASE!!! I'M BEGGING YOU!!! I WANT OUT OF HERE!!!!!!
    We must work in the same facility. lmao
  10. 3
    You are 100 years old. I hope I'm just like you when I'm your age. You have energy AND attitude. You love your coffee and always ask for it. I can relate. I can see you going for another 10 or 20 years at this rate. I'll see what I can do about a coffee IV drip.
    Baubo516, KelseyAdams, and darriz1 like this.


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