Things we think that we do not say... humorous...

Nursing Students CNA/MA

Published

Just for fun, I am wondering if you would like to share some thoughts you have had during patient care that you did not speak out loud for whatever reason. My hubby does not enjoy my work stories, and I feel the need to share!

I'll start...

While assisting with peri care for a grey haired gentleman, I thought, "Oh - so your hair used to be red!" I am proud to say that I had the self-control not to say this out loud.

Anyone else want to share?

Specializes in Emergency.

This is by far the best board i've read in a while... why, just last night i thought "you have knee pain because you're 350 lbs."

Specializes in ICU.

I got pregnant at the age of 15, never swallowed a pill. Can remember my mother and I fighting when she would try to get me to swallow a pill. She would finally give in and crush it or I would just avoid the medicine and keep the headache. But when I had the baby and had to take a dulcolax. I asked the nurse to crush it...... She gave me the hell no look and said girl you are big enough for sex, your big enough to swallow this. And I did, thank u nurse now I can swallow pills! Sometimes all it takes is the truth....

Specializes in ICU.

You had heart surgery... Not arm/ hand surgery you can feed yourself. Did you think it wasn't going to be painful? Of course it a mini invasive valve job and the incision is the size of a key hole... But did you think about them splitting your ribs and muscle to get a view of your heart? Ha ha if only I could say these...

Specializes in cardiac, stroke, special care.

Always wanted to tell the immobile overweight or paraplegic pt that insists on being nasty --- if you can't do it for yourself, don't tell me to hurry up

One of the other things that happened a lot when I was starting in nursing 30 years ago is that (mostly female) patients would ask me "Are you a male nurse??" Now, I am 6'6", built like a linebacker or Sumo wrestler, and by that time had lost most of my hair. At first I wasn't able to come up with a snappy retort, but then I started to reply, pulling out the top of my scrub shirt and looking at my chest--"I tried to be a female nurse, but I couldn't pass the test." Of course, now, I would probably quote RuPaul and say something like "No, Dear, I'm just a really, really bad drag queen!"

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

To the fellow who shot off one testicle and then gave us an encore performance a few months later by shooting off the other one (plus part of his manhood), it was all I could do not to say, "Well, thank goodness you can't reproduce---the world doesn't need another generation of stupid!":coollook:

To the fellow who shot off one testicle and then gave us an encore performance a few months later by shooting off the other one (plus part of his manhood), it was all I could do not to say, "Well, thank goodness you can't reproduce---the world doesn't need another generation of stupid!":coollook:

He SHOT them BOTH off??? One two different occations?:eek:

This is by far the best board i've read in a while... why, just last night i thought "you have knee pain because you're 350 lbs."

Reminds me of another one: patient is easily 350 pounds, and of course has back pain, joint pain, foot pain. The patient explains that this pain (ALL of it) is because of a car accident fifteen years ago. When she was 120 pounds.

My thought?

"Well, maybe if you lifted weights instead of cheeseburgers, you might get in better physical shape and reduce or eliminate your pain."

I got pregnant at the age of 15, never swallowed a pill. Can remember my mother and I fighting when she would try to get me to swallow a pill. She would finally give in and crush it or I would just avoid the medicine and keep the headache. But when I had the baby and had to take a dulcolax. I asked the nurse to crush it...... She gave me the hell no look and said girl you are big enough for sex, your big enough to swallow this. And I did, thank u nurse now I can swallow pills! Sometimes all it takes is the truth....

I like this :)

But even with your crushed pills, I seriously doubt your mom suggested stuffing them up your nose? ;)

He SHOT them BOTH off??? One two different occations?:eek:

And people say they don't believe in G'd. Sounds like Divine Intervention to me!

Ok, here's another one, REALLY would have liked to have used (and thankfully this scenario doesn't come up for me anymore):

Patient has had ankle/tibia/knee/etc surgery. Patient requests that nurse or aide wipe his a$$ for him. My thought? "Gosh, I didn't realize they shortened your arms when they did that ORIF of your ankle...you poor thing!"

Specializes in critical care.

I'm in CNA class now and I think my instructor doesn't know how to not say these sorts of things. There is a girl in my class who is easily 300 lbs. We are in the process of learning to take vitals and the instructor always talks about how this girl is going to be difficult because she is so "chunky". The girl doesn't find any humor in it at all, and the instructor doesn't act like she's trying to be funny about it.

+ Add a Comment