I had just gotten a job in an assisted living facility. I was getting dropped off and I couldn't walk in there. I got warm, my heart was racing, my breathing increased and I felt like someone was choking me. I told my partner to circle around and we stopped at a gas station and I said, "I don't think I can go in there!" so I didn't, but I didn't call either. All weekend, I beat myself up, especially on Saturday when I realized it was a panic attack
. (I had worked at several awful nursing homes and didn't go because I hated it there, but this place was different).
I called on Monday, but of course it was too late. I haven't worked steady in over 2 years because I've been going to school and my partner has been working. Now, today I got my first and only paycheck, and I feel awful. I feel like someone ripped out a part of me and now I'm just floating around, invisible. Everything feels foggy.
I can't talk to my partner about this anymore because I'll drive her nuts. She says she doesn't care I quit, she just wants me to be happy. I had a thought that cheered me up last night, which was in 8 months, I'll be graduating and becoming a nurse, and that calmed me down. But I had all these plans since I started working, and now with one income, I can't do that anymore, and I feel awful.
I know not calling was unprofessional, not going was a mistake and going over and over it in my head is killing me!
Just needed to vent. If I had realized it was a panic attack (I've only had one other one before) I would have waited and calmed down. I thought it was the job that was getting me worked up.
I'd do anything to get a second chance at working at the facility, but no luck.