my love of nursing is gone...husband died of medical mistake - page 3

well, i am unable to figure out what to do with my life. i am almost 50 yrs old, have worked as a paramedic and/or rn since 1978, (although not currently licensed) and need to think about returning... Read More

  1. by   amzyRN
    Quote from awsmom8
    well, i am unable to figure out what to do with my life. i am almost 50 yrs old, have worked as a paramedic and/or rn since 1978, (although not currently licensed) and need to think about returning to work. my husband died of a medical mistake, leaving me to raise my kids-they are now almost 12 and 13 yrs old. i just finished litigation (which was almost worse than his death) and will need a new career. i let my rn license lapse as i have no trust of the medical system any more--it is now driven by hmo's, bonuses for ceos and md's that forgot the hippocratic oath--do no harm, and nurses who, for whatever reason, did not do their jobs when my husband's condition was getting worse.i always thought i would be the rn who would never get burnout...but now i can't walk into a health care facility without hyperventilating and shaking.. i don't trust md or any other health care professional now...so any suggestions has to a new career for a former well educated, former
    compassionate rn?
    i am so sorry for your loss and i know that is one of the biggest losses that anyone can face. please give yourself time to recover and i hope that you do not have to go back to work right away. i agree that the healthcare system is in bad shape, with greedy hmos and practitioners who blindly follow orders that end up hurting patients. i don't know what you should do about returning to work and i would hope that you could find a way to stay in your field and have it be rewarding. i cannot offer any advise. i just want to wish you my best and again am so sorry for your loss.
    blessings
  2. by   Neveranurseagain
    As I revisit this thread, I am amazed to have found it viewed over two thousand times. I have posted a reply to a thread someone started called Area of Least/Most Lawsuits in Nursing and you may find it interesting to see my view point of what happened after my husbands major medical incident. I am now surprised that state boards of nursing or at least your employer does not require CEU's in malpractice prevention. Too often nurses become complacent or on auto pilot when fatigued and forget their actions and inactions can result in the injury or death of a pt. The CEU class should not be presented as a scare tactic but a review of the nurse practice act, common issues and prevention of malpractice and what to do and say after a potential malpractice incident. How a situation is handled afterward can mean the difference between a litigation cases or not. A simple I'm sorry and compassion goes along way. Thank you for all your support everyone had posted on my thread.
    Last edit by Neveranurseagain on Sep 28, '07 : Reason: grammer error
  3. by   gentle
    Hello Awesomom,

    Per chance have you checked out the post in the general nursing forum regarding in home work--i.e. medical transcription. A few others were listed and looked interesting.

    Another idea is to check out the school nursing positions at private schools and public/private charter schools. Please note that I am not necessarily advocating for you to be involved in a school district unless it is really really small, due to the level stress/number of children. Private schools and public charter schools have a lower enrollment rate than the typical public school.
  4. by   MarySunshine
    awsmom,

    I went through depositions regarding the premature birth and death of my twin boys. I agree with you that it was almost more traumatic than the initial loss. Counseling is definitely in order. I wish you all the best in your journey towards healing and taking care of your children.
  5. by   SarasotaRN2b
    Have you considered perhaps being a patient advocate?

    Kris
  6. by   texascowgirl
    have you considered correctional health? it's my number one favorite specialty that i have worked in, in all of my 16 years as an RN
  7. by   imenid37
    I don't have words of wisdom for you. I can't imagine what you have gone through. I just wish you find peace and a job niche so you can be at th best place possible for yourself and your kids.
  8. by   Sabby_NC
    Quote from DusktilDawn
    My condolences to you and your family. Your grief is very evident in your post. Have you considered grief counselling or a bereavement support group in your area? I cannot emphasize enough that you need to take care of yourself first before considering a career.

    I agree with this post.

    I am so sorry for your loss and offer you my sympathies. I could not even imagine how horrid it must have been for you. So many prayers for you and your family.
  9. by   JailRN
    BIG HUGS TO YOU AND YOUR BOYS!





    Sent you a private e mail.

    I DO know what you're going through. Please contact me.

    Your loss is profound.

    And I understand the anger,

    the helplessness,

    the lonliness.

    It doesn't 'get better', it just 'gets different'.

    JailRN
    (AKA another widow)
  10. by   NEC1
    First, I am so sorry you are going through this experience. I understand your reaction towards the healthcare profession and yet where did you turn but here on this site to other nurses. I'm sure in your heart you realize most of us are caring, conscientous nurses and would be concerned about your plight. I hope at some point instead of loosing the sisterhood of nursing you will be able to reenter the profession to make the living you need and have the comraderie of fellow nurses. Since being in mainstream healthcare may not what you can deal with right now, how about being a telephone advice nurse. Many hospials/organizations have a great need for telephone advice nurses.
    I was also a young widow with two children and working as a nurse was pretty much what kept me sane. Working in general, was what I needed to turn my focus out rather than in. Everyone griefs differently and has different needs so I realize what worked for me may not work for you. I do hope you find something to engage in that will help you to move forward.
    Take care and I hope you find a healing pathway soon.
    Last edit by NEC1 on Nov 19, '07
  11. by   Shantas
    I am very very sorry for what you experienced. I was born in a small third world proverty striken country and lost my Dad when I was only 15 yrs old. He had a massive heart attack and I know if he was here in the USA he would still be alive today, he was only 60 yrs old. The following year I lost my 27 yrs old sister from bone cancer, she died because her surgeon did not amputate her leg on time as he was on vacation in Europe.....
    I hated the doctors for a long time....but now they are gone and I am a RN and I try my best to help the patients and their families so that they would not have to go through what my family and I went through....I know both my dad and my sister are always watching over me and giving me the blessing so that I can give the care and support to the people who are suffering like the way they did before they went to heaven.
    I hope your greatest loss will guide you to a path which will not only help you and your beloved children but also people around you.
    wish you and your family all the best.
  12. by   Neveranurseagain
    As I look back at this post I am amazed to see it has been viewed over 3300 times and would like to thank everyone who responded or read it. I survived Christmas this year and actually almost enjoyed it with the kids. I am also starting to feel a sense of peace and the details of what happened to my husband are not a recurrent video in my mind (or what little of my mind I have left) that plays over and over. Thanks again for all your support and words of encouragement.
  13. by   Sabby_NC
    Quote from awsmom8
    As I look back at this post I am amazed to see it has been viewed over 3300 times and would like to thank everyone who responded or read it. I survived Christmas this year and actually almost enjoyed it with the kids. I am also starting to feel a sense of peace and the details of what happened to my husband are not a recurrent video in my mind (or what little of my mind I have left) that plays over and over. Thanks again for all your support and words of encouragement.

    May peace continue to surround you and allow good thoughts to invade your mind.

    So pleased to read that you enjoyed Christmas with your children.

    I admire you so much

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