First Job with agency >:( made me rethink nursing as a career

[lovepink]

Ohhhhh yesterday.... I was looking forward to being an agency nurse. It seems great!! Pick your own schedule... get paid more... I mean seriously.. WHAT could be better?? All the agency nurses I worked with seemed to like their job. So I thought hey, maybe this is for me!!!

I have been a nurse for almost 4 years. And I have worked at an oncology center and LOVED it, and then bc I had a friend who said she LOVED her job and she made more money and had a great schedule, I went to work with her at an Alzheimer's center. I fell in love with my patients. They were amazing. I was there for almost 2 years. And unfortunately due to some managment problems, I was pretty much forced to leave. That made me rethink nursing completely. I had felt like I had done a good job and even had been praised by the management, offered a higher position (declined bc it would have put me in a "management" position and I knew how shady they were) and my patients family members loved me. BUT the incident with my ADON left me feeling worthless and thinking that if this is what nursing was, I wanted nothing to do with it. So I took a job at a childrens home and worked there for a little while. My father was diagnosed with Lung Cancer at the first of this year so I quit my job and took care of him, which was the greatest nursing job I could ever possibly have.

Ok.. I'm sure youre thinking.. WHAT does that have to do with anything?? I said all that just to say... I had a year away from a nursing facility lol.... SOO that all being said, I decided to work for an agency so I wouldn't have to deal with the nasty politics of nursing homes and I could also get some more experience.

Unfortunately... it has not been good. My first scheduled shift, I woke up, got all ready and... on my way to work.... CANCELLED... great... ok.. its fine. It's just a "dry run" as my dad used to say. So Monday, I again woke up, got ready... and yay!!! I didnt get a phone call!!! Man, later that day I sure wished I had. I got to my facility an hour and a half before my shift for "orientation". Of course the night shift is there and they have no idea what the day shift does. (Their words, not mine) So... I pretty much just sit there, trying to think of questions that I may need to know. You know things like "Where is the crash cart?" and other useful pieces of information. Finally the day shift comes in and the pt assignments are handed out.... SURPRISE!!! I got the time consuming group!! BUT I was excited, I had faith, I was going to do EVERYTHING the right way. No more shortcuts!! BUT it was impossible. The techs do vitals and FSBS, which seems nice...but I am giving meds based on those measurements... seems like an accident waiting to happen. Another nurse has to confirm insulin in the pyxus, but the other nurses were not at all excited about coming over to confirm... ofc they never seemed to have to wait around for another nurse to come initial... anyway I could go on all day, but i wont. I felt like a student nurse all over again and the girls were so catty and jr high. At one point as I am running up and down the hall working my a** off, 2 of them are just standing at the other end looking at me and talking... nice... the IV pumps were different than the ones that I had used before, and when I asked for help... wow, it was like... not good. They helped but, weren't happy. And the charge nurse.... well she eventually just told me to type in her initials bc she didnt want to keep having to come confirm... I barely had time to chart all day, so when I FINALLY was able to I was so tired, I just rushed through it. I felt terrible when I left.. 2HOURS after my shift was over. And cried the entire way home. I seriously felt like I had chosen the wrong profession. Maybe nursing isnt for me. I get attached to my patients, and try to treat them how I would want my family treated. I just dont know what to do. My options are limited as an LVN and I really want to get my RN, but now I am thinking... If its always going to be this bad... I don't want to devote more time and money to this, when I am going to hate going to work everyday. I dont care if the staff doesnt like me. I mean it would be nice, but... its whatever. I have enough friends... I just hate leaving feeling like I missed something, or I couldve done better or that I was a bad nurse.

I LOVE helping people, even when it hurts me emotionally, its worth it. But I really am wondering what to do. I used to feel like I was a good nurse, but now I am wondering if I went to nursing school only so that i could be there for my dad when he needed me the most.

Anyway... any advice... would be amazing. Am I crazy for thinking like this? Since I am thinking this am I not cut out for nursing???

[lovepink]

Oh btw I was supposed to work today as well, but I got canceled again... which I was almost happy about... except my rent and electricity dont quite understand lol.... anyway I am supposed to work tmw, and I'll be at the same facility again... and I am absolutely DREADING it

[blondnursey]

welcome to agency

high volume med passes with the worst units

no help beacuse you get paid twice what the staff does and therefore should do 4 times the work

cancelled shifts

stick it out.

once you have been to a place a few times you will have a system

and then the staff can be jealous you arent working xmas and weekends

and if they are still hostile...you dont have to go back there.......

i was agency for 5 years before going to travel nursing

[bellynursegurl]

I love what blondnursey said!

I can tell you my first agency job, was very very similar to yours. And I left crying. The next time I did I was so much better. The place that I did my first job wanted to hire me, but they didn't want to pay me the same, so I declined.

It makes you a stronger nurse to do absolutely anything.

I did Travel and Agency nursing for 2 years, but came back to my hometown to have my baby. Guess what! I am going for an interview for agency next week!

[lovepink]

ok i will say my next couple of shifts have been much better.

im very happy i didnt just quit all together bc i am LOVING the flexibility of my schedule. i had a few amazing pts that reminded me of why i am a nurse, its for my pt and my pt alone, not the staff.

now if only i didnt get canceled so much... lol

thanks for telling me to hang in there!!!

[bellynursegurl]

Yes, depending on where you live being canceled stinks. When I lived in AZ, I didn't have much work for the summer.

This will be my first time doing agency where I live now. I just hope I get the hours I am looking for until I find myself a home.