My Name is Susan

I am an RN who's also a recovering(ed) alcoholic. I've found the judgmental attitudes of colleagues taking care of addicted patients disturbing. The purpose of this article is to, perhaps, get nurses to realize how powerful attitude can be when taking care of an addicted patient. Nurses Announcements Archive Article

My name is Susan, and I'm an alcoholic. I'm also a registered nurse, hold a bachelor's degree in Human Services, and a Masters in Human Service Administration. I have diabetes, a cirrhotic liver, and haven't had a drink in fourteen years. And, in spite of my continued sobriety, accomplishments, and dedication to working in the helping professions, I am still considered a social pariah by many. I continually ask myself why the judgment cast on those with addictions by those who have dodged that genetic bullet is so harsh as to be venomous. I still can't seem to come up with an answer.

I'm not one to be shy about sharing the fact of my alcoholic history. I was a very functional alcoholic, never lost a job, got a DUI, had a marriage break up or any of the hundreds of things that one typically thinks of as "normal" for someone who drinks as much as I did. My consequence was ruptured esophageal verices, a condition that very nearly ended my life. I haven't had a drink since -- that was enough of a wake-up call for me. But, had it not been for one very talented, non-judgmental and supportive GI physician, I may well have gone back on the road to self-destruction. He put it to me simply, stating that if I drank again I would certainly die, perhaps not immediately, but before too long. His demeanor and non-judgmental attitude (which was not matched by his colleagues) made me think that perhaps I wasn't such a bad person after all. Maybe there was a reason for me to work on staying sober and continuing on with my work with severely mentally ill people. He didn't just save my life in the medical sense, he also helped me to see that my addiction didn't define me. It's a characteristic, not the essence of who I am. Without that support, it would have been much more difficult to move forward.

Those who have never lived with the shame, guilt and self-loathing of addiction cannot possibly understand how the words and attitudes of others, especially professionals, impact the potential for recovery. If an alcoholic or addict is being told, verbally or otherwise, that their addiction makes them less human than the patient in the next bed, it's a fair bet that message will only reinforce what the addicted patient already believes about him or herself: "I am worthless, so why even bother to attempt sobriety? I don't deserve anything more than the hell I'm already putting myself through."

In my nursing career, I've seen this on a daily basis - some of my colleagues don't even attempt to hide disgust when taking care of someone with alcohol and/or drug addiction. Granted, we who have visited that personal hell largely created our own problems. And, as such, the recovering among us (who number more than the average person may think) own that fact and keep it in the forefront of consciousness. After all, anyone who's escaped that madness intact and spent any extended amount of time living sober typically has no desire to go back. It happens, to be sure, but I can only guess that the push has to be enormous for anyone to consider revisiting the twisted existence that is addiction. The bigger issue, however, is the jaundiced (pun intended) view of the caregiver. There seems to be no shortage of self-righteousness among those charged with assisting the addicted person on a path to wellness.

I've heard my colleagues refer to alcoholic patients as "scum," "piece of crap," "waste of human flesh." I've heard pronouncements like "She did it to herself, I don't feel sorry for her." Often these words are uttered shortly before the person casting the judgment goes off the unit for his or her smoke break, an irony I would find amusing if it wasn't so hypocritical and the person so mean-spirited. Yet, this is a daily occurrence, and I don't see it changing anytime soon.

How, then, do healthcare professionals find a way to drop the judgmental attitude and start caring for a person at the core of their being, rather than seeing only the surface of the addict? I firmly believe that education is key - most healthcare professionals only get a smattering of addiction medicine in school, which is ludicrous given the number of addicted patients a nurse or doctor will see in a given year. Learning about the root causes of addiction: genetic, environmental, psychiatric and behavioral may serve to assist professionals in seeing addicted patients more as human beings with medical or psychiatric disorders as opposed to self-indulgent, lazy people who don't deserve the same care and consideration as do people with less "annoying" illnesses.

If one sits down and has a conversation with an addicted person regarding the problem I think there would be one universal truth communicated. That is, no one sets out to become addicted to anything. It's not a goal one strives for. It's an insidious problem that wraps itself around the brain, and before the affected person can think twice, it's there. The fact is, people with addictions to substances don't possess an "off" switch. If we did, we could drink like "normal" people do - a glass of wine with dinner, a cocktail before bed - but we can't. And an enormous piece of recovering is regaining a sense of self-worth, a feeling that maybe the hard work ahead will be worth it. Finding people to support this process isn't easy. But each and every healthcare professional who cares for an addicted person can make a start. By treating the alcoholic or addict with the same respect and kindness shown to someone with a more "conventional" medical problem, there's a chance the message "you're worth my time, so you're worth making the effort to overcome this" may be conveyed. I know that message came through loud and clear to me. Without it, I wouldn't be here.

Love the article, but I have encountered numerous addicts. I do not feel sorry for them, and at times I do judge them, the addicts that won't buy their seizure medication, or Tylenol for their child's fever because they can't afford it, but they smoke two packs of cigarette a day, just bought junk food from the vending machine, brought their pain medication, or they drink daily. They are on dialysis, have DM, do not control their glucose still smoking and does not know why their wound will not heal or why they are losing another toe. I am not sorry for feeling this way, we can not enable addicts, I am not here to baby them, addicts need to stop feeling sorry for themselves, attempt to get help, and stop blaming others. We all have choices, that we make, we are not perfect, but when we make the worry choices, we have to face it, fix it and move on. I have many addicts in my family, drunks, smokes, drugs, comfort eaters, etc. The ones I feel sorry for is their family-their parents their children the spouse, and etc.

And just as you feel sorry for the family of addicts because the addict cannot see past their own problems in order to be there for their family, I in turn feel sorry for your patients who are addicts, because you cannot see past your own feelings in order to be there for your patients.

Those who have experience with addicts, such as family members like yourself, are usually the least open to understanding the disease of addiction. I too have had family members with many levels of addiction problems, and have suffered with issues myself. As time has gone by I have experienced some of the same issues my family members have and a light comes on in my head and I think to myself "well no wonder they responded the way they did". That is not making excuses, that is understanding the causes, and we can't move forward if we don't understand the causes of our problems. No one can move on without support, no one. Yes, in the end, it is up to the individual to change, but everyone needs to feel understood, accepted for who they are in despite of their weaknesses. Supporting someone is not babying them, that is just what people who cannot open themselves up to understanding and supporting someone call it.

If I was a drug addict I would hesitate to tell medical providers. So many times ai have seen serious conditions be blown off as someone being a "drug seeker." That seems to be the go to diagnosis for a few drs and nurses no matter what.

Specializes in Critical Care.

Dear Susan,

I am a recovering from anorexia and bulimia....I haven't "acted on" my addiction to food in a good while now, but the personality traits and thoughts i need to consciously push out of my mind that come with addiction are still present.

I have a lot of thoughts regarding addiction, some widely accepted and some say a bit harsh. nonetheless, you are right in the fact that we don't call someone who comes to the hospital for a hypertensive crisis 'a crazy b****" when for all we know. they are coming in for all the same lazy, stupid, poor, needy, noncompliant reasons a person with addiction is in for.

a big moment in my recovery was being able to distinguish my eating disorder from ME, snb1014. there is a person underneath the addiction, however broken....much like a dislocated and fractured arm, needs support and professional help.

ps, i find it helpful to not say "bulimic" /"anorexic', "alcoholic", because it sounds more like a personality trait and makes the disease WHO they are identified with/as, opposed to something this person is dealing WITH. :-)

best luck on continued addiction advocacy and sobriety :-)

I work in mental health and I'm disgusted by some of the things I hear my fellow nurses say. "Pill seeker" is a common phrase they'll use towards ANYBODY on narcotics, even people who have a very legit reason like a fresh post-op if they have a history of abuse. I know that people have really strong feelings about addicts, but really....get a different job if you feel that strongly because you're in the wrong place!!!! I thought I would work in mental health forever, but I'm already feeling the burn out coming on, and sadly...it isn't because of the patients. It's because of the staff and their horrible attitudes.

I work in mental health and I'm disgusted by some of the things I hear my fellow nurses say. "Pill seeker" is a common phrase they'll use towards ANYBODY on narcotics, even people who have a very legit reason like a fresh post-op if they have a history of abuse. I know that people have really strong feelings about addicts, but really....get a different job if you feel that strongly because you're in the wrong place!!!! I thought I would work in mental health forever, but I'm already feeling the burn out coming on, and sadly...it isn't because of the patients. It's because of the staff and their horrible attitudes.

Often times because the staff, themselves are seeking the pills the patients seek, and are peeved that the patient can get them, and they cannot.

My daughter is now 9 months sober. She is one of the smartest people I know, so there has to be more to addiction than being dumb. You are right. No one has the right to judge. I get really peeved at nurses and MD's who label people and base treatment on that label (frequent flyer, user, etc). Keep preaching sister!

Over the years I've heard various, but similar stats: Up to 50% of all doctors and dentists are impaired at any given time by alcohol or other drugs.

great article

Specializes in PICU, NICU, L&D, Public Health, Hospice.

Bottom line is this...

We nurses are human. Some of us are not going to be able to get past our personal experiences and biases to treat patients with the unconditional regard that they deserve.

It is incumbent upon the professionals WITH those skills among us to advocate for the patients to the best of their ability.

As the wife of a "functional alcoholic", I completely agree with everything you wrote and I commend you for your strength to do so. I try and hope I succeed at not being judgemental of my patients. I probably fail in this area more often towards non-compliant patients. I hope that someday my husband will get his wake up call and have the strength to become sober as you did! God bless you and keep you well!

I am so sorry you are treated that way. We all suffer from some sort of addiction. Coffee/sugar/sex/spreading unhappiness/meanness/being superior/pain/hate. I feel that addictions don't all have to be bad.I like coffee/chocolate/love/kindness/happiness which are addictive to me. I feel that drinking and/or drugs are talked about most because these scare people more than dying of diabetic complications of sugar or cva from extreme anger or overdose on prescription pain medicines. People who shun you and are mean to you are very unhappy and that is not YOUR fault. These people that are so unhappy and lash out at others should have our empathy. God loves us all. We must try to love back and forgive them. Bless you for being sober and you can continue being honest but you don't have to give "them" any ammunition in which to hurt you with. You only owe yourself and your God so feel sorry for but don't hang out with those unhappy people. Good luck. Laura

I applaud your "Greatness" in sharing this. Congratulations and keeping encouraging others!:yes:

You cannot and should not use the absolute word "everybody". Thank you.